Soggy journal

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Soggy journal is a book found in the Grand Library in Prifddinas, which requires completion of Song of the Elves to access.

The journal is written by a pirate named Blunderguts, and describes his experiences sailing in the Western Sea.

If lost, it can be reclaimed from any bookshelf in the Grand Library, or from a bookcase within a player-owned house.

Transcript[edit | edit source]

The following text is transcluded from Transcript:Soggy journal.

I'll show Haris! 'Unworthy' my boot. I'll be swimming in gold and glory when I return with treasures of the western lands. I heard one of those adventuring lot talk of big-eared lilly-livers, who live behind walls made of diamond. Whatever they're hiding, it's gonna be mine, and if they put up a fight, then they're definitively in for a good hiding. HAH!

Sold the last bit of flax today. No more itchy fields for Blunderguts! Blunderguts is my new pirate name. After all, I'm gonna be a captain of the high seas soon. Maybe I should by an eye patch, look the part and all that. No one would dare mess with the mighty captain Blunderguts!

Purchased my first vessel from a chap offering a good price, considering the damage. Smells a bit like toast though. He said he swindled it off one of them lofty hero types. I set sail from Port Sarim tomorrow. Ahoy thar and onwards!

Maybe I should've brought a sextant... How do I find west again? Never eat Toroth slippers... How does it go? Never watch skeletons eat? All this pirating is making me hungry. I've got plenty in the store. Besides, I'm the Captain. So if I want to stop at some tavern along the way I shall... I will hear no more about it.

So I just stopped at this dock, seemed great at first. But no tavern. Some local's directions led me to a giant swamp. Oh Saradomin, the stench of this place, 'Be brave Blunderguts. 'tis what piratin' be all about, forgin' yer own adventure from scratch.' I thought. The locals were friendly enough, 'Come visit our god, you will never starve again' they said. They only tried to feed me to a bloomin' snake! Luckily I must not have looked appetising, bein' so skinny 'n all. With my quick thinking, jumping back into the lady's boat, I made a tactical retreat.

Back to the sea I go. Ahoy thar and onwards!

I saw it. With me unpatched eye, I swear. The walls were mightier than the palace of Varrock. The light caught the tides and it burst into a thousand different colours. But soon as I went to drop anchor, the arrows came. These arrows came at me so fast and so hard I could've swore they was glowin'! I had no choice but to tactically retreat.

Please. If you find this journal, send help. I couldn't save the ship and I'm stranded. All of the people here ignore every word I speak, they're like zombies. Zombies that kill crabs all day long. You can't even eat the crabs, they're almost entirely made of sand!

Ahoy, thar, please save me!

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • The Soggy Journal was written by a player named Kushcleric as part of a lore writing competition to commemorate the release of Song of the Elves, in which their name can be found in-game by searching the desk by the Elven Crystal Chest in the Tower of Voices. In addition, they were sent an engraved crystal decoration in real life to commemorate the quest.
  • The journal describes several game references:
    • The ship Blunderguts buys is in fact the Lady Lumbridge that Klarense sold to the player during Dragon Slayer.
    • The phrase "forgin' yer own adventure from scratch" is a reference to the intro of the Swampletics video series on YouTube, where the phrase used is "forge my own journey from scratch."
    • The locals who tried feeding Blunderguts to a "bloomin' snake" refers to the villagers of Zul-Andra, who make sacrifices to Zulrah.
    • Blunderguts's plea for help to the people where he is stranded in refers to players mindlessly killing Sand Crabs in Hosidius.