Transcript of Rum Deal

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This transcript involves dialogue with Pirate Pete, Captain Braindeath, Davey, Captain Donnie, and the player.

Setting out[edit | edit source]

Talking to Pirate Pete[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello there!
  • Pirate Pete: Mornin'.
  • Pirate Pete: Hey...you're an adventurer, right?
  • Player: Yes I am!
  • Player: Got any quests for me?
  • Pirate Pete: Yeah, I do, as a matter of fact!
  • Pirate Pete: (Ahem.)
  • Pirate Pete: I am a poor, dispossessed nobleman, forced by circumstance to lurk in the middle of nowhere, soliciting help from passers-by.
  • Pirate Pete: You see, my fiendish half-brother has seized my estates and forced me into exile.
  • Pirate Pete: The simple lemon farmers suffer under his tyrannous yoke, and only a brave adventurer can lift his iron boot from the neck of the poor.
  • Pirate Pete: To reclaim my lands I will need to have my family sword returned to me so that I may present it as proof of my rulership.
  • Pirate Pete: Will you help me find my family sword?
  • Select an Option
  • Yes!
    • Player: Yes! Your uncorroborated sob story has touched my heart. When do we set off?
    • Pirate Pete: You'll help! Wonderful!
    • Pirate Pete: But, alas, my half brother has a powerful ally, the mighty demon...
    • Pirate Pete: Err...
    • Pirate Pete: Err...Barrelor!
    • Player: Barrelor?
    • Pirate Pete: That's what I said!
    • Pirate Pete: Barrelor is an awesome opponent, and to reclaim my family sword you will need to defeat him, for he guards it within the deadly Trapped Pit of Barrelor.
    • Select an Option
    • Of course, I fear no demon!
      • Player: Of course, I fear no demon!
      • Pirate Pete: Atta [boy/girl]!
      • Pirate Pete: When I am reinstated in my rightful place, I will not be a very wealthy man, as my half-brother has squandered my family fortune.
      • Pirate Pete: However, I will gladly give you every bent penny of what is left, and starve in the gutter with my many, many adorable children, if you say you will help me.
      • Select an Option
      • Nonsense! Keep the money!
        • Player: Nonsense! Keep the money! I will dispose of this evil half-brother of yours and leave you what little money is left to feed your family.
        • Pirate Pete: Wonderful! Just pick up your diversion and we'll leave!
        • Player: What diversion?
        • Cutscene 1 begins
      • Great, I'll take the cash in used coins please.
        • Player: Great, I'll take the cash in used coins please.
        • Pirate Pete: Er...
        • Pirate Pete: Look, I think I'll wait here for someone a little more... you know...
        • Pirate Pete: ...heroic.
        • (End of dialogue)
    • Not a chance, this sounds too dangerous.
      • Player: Not a chance, this sounds too dangerous.
      • (End of dialogue)
  • No.
    • Player: No.
    • (End of dialogue)

Cutscene 1[edit | edit source]

  • Captain Braindeath: Arrr... 'Tis lookin' bleak...
  • Pirate Pete: Cap'n!
  • Pirate Pete: Good news Cap'n!
  • Pirate Pete: I found us a hero down by the docks!
  • Captain Braindeath: Be they heroic, brave and true?
  • Pirate Pete: Aye! They also be gullible, tied up and unconscious!
  • Pirate Pete: They were willing to help out some random stranger with a good enough sob story, so I smacked them with a bottle and rowed them over.
  • Captain Braindeath: Brilliant! The island's location will remain a secret!
  • Captain Braindeath: Bring 'em here and wake 'em up.
  • Captain Braindeath: We may make it through this yet...
  • Cutscene ends and dialogue continues below.

Meeting Captain Braindeath[edit | edit source]

  • Captain Braindeath: Are ye alright, [lad/lass]?
  • Player: Ohhhh... My head...
  • Player: It feels like someone has smacked me one with a bottle...
  • Captain Braindeath: Arr... Those devils gave ye a nasty knock when ye came to aid us.
  • Captain Braindeath: But now yer here we'll run those evil brain-eatin' dogs off the island fer good!
  • Player: What? What is going on here?
  • Player: I can't seem to remember anything beyond chatting to a man at the docks.
  • Captain Braindeath: Arr. Well, [lad/lass], that would be Pete, one of my men.
  • Captain Braindeath: He's been out lookin' fer heroes like yerself to aid us in our peril.
  • Player: Okay... I'll buy that. It sounds like something I would do.
  • Player: So where am I, and what is going on?
  • Captain Braindeath: Yer on Braindeath Island!
  • Captain Braindeath: Where it lies is a secret, because ye are standin' in the brewery of Cap'n Braindeath, purveyor of the most vitriolic alcoholic beverages in the world!
  • Player: Wow!
  • Captain Braindeath: I am the notorious alchemist Cap'n Braindeath, and this whole operation be my idea!
  • Captain Braindeath: With my crew of sturdy, upright pirate brewers, we sail the seven seas, distributing cheap 'alcohol' to all and sundry.
  • Player: Oooh!
  • Captain Braindeath: These be dark times, though, [lad/lass]. See, a week ago we awoke to find ourselves beseiged.
  • Captain Braindeath: The lads and I have held them off so far, but 'tis only a matter of time before they sweep through the buildin' and put us all to the sword.
  • Player: Who?
  • Captain Braindeath: Them!
  • Cutscene begins
  • The captian points out of the window....
  • Cutscene ends
  • Player: Are they...
  • Player: ...protesting?
  • Captain Braindeath: Arr, [lad/lass]! That they are!
  • Captain Braindeath: Day and night they seek to break our will with their chantin', and their singin' and their passive resistance!
  • Player: So, what do you want me to do?
  • Captain Braindeath: Well, me and the lads got our heads together and decided that if we can get their Cap'n drunk enough, perhaps they'll stop protestin'.
  • Captain Braindeath: If that happens, we'll slip out the back and set up shop somewhere else.
  • Player: Well, how can I help?
  • Captain Braindeath: Well, first of all, we need someone to go out the front and grow us some Blindweed.
  • Captain Braindeath: 'Tis one of the ingredients of our 'rum'.
  • Captain Braindeath: The only problem is that those rottin' fiends have torn up and destroyed all but one of the Blindweed Patches.
  • Captain Braindeath: Here, [lad/lass]. I'll give ye the seed you'll need fer growin' the herb. Help yerself to the gardenin' equipment in the basement.
  • Captain Braindeath: I'll warn ye again that those devils are sat right on top of the patch.
  • Captain Braindeath: Try hecklin' 'em from a distance. Those Swabs may talk a good fight, but if ye can put a scare in 'em they'll keep out of yer way!
  • (End of dialogue)

Brewing "rum"[edit | edit source]

Talking to Captain Braindeath after getting blindweed[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Here! I have your Blindweed!
  • Captain Braindeath: Splendid, [lad/lass]! Go shove it in the Intake Hopper upstairs.
  • Captain Braindeath: We'll beat them zombies yet! Arr!
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Captain Braindeath after using blindweed on the hopper[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Well, that takes care of the Blindweed. What now?
  • Captain Braindeath: Well, now ye've shoved the Blindweed into the mix, what we need is a bucket of stagnant water.
  • Player: Where can I get some of that?
  • Captain Braindeath: Ye won't have to go far, [lad/lass], we have a pool of the stuff here!
  • Player: Here in the brewery?
  • Captain Braindeath: No, [lad/lass], that would be a strange thing to have in a brewery!
  • Captain Braindeath: It's up the mountain to the north.
  • Player: Up a mountain?
  • Captain Braindeath: Well, 'tis technically a volcano, but ye get the general idea.
  • Player: And I assume the place is crawling with these zombies?
  • Captain Braindeath: No [lad/lass], there be not a zombie in sight.
  • Player: Oh, good!
  • Captain Braindeath: All ye have to do is get past the keen-eyed lookout that's been spottin' my men when I send 'em.
  • Captain Braindeath: I'll tell ye that it won't be easy!
  • Player: When is it ever...
  • Captain Braindeath: Don't ferget yer bucket!
  • (End of dialogue)

Stagnant water[edit | edit source]

  • 50% Luke: Arr! Tryin' ter get away eh? Well ye'll never sneak past me, I'm the best lookout this crew has ever seen!
  • Player: Hey you! Look over there!
  • 50% Luke: *Where?*
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Captain Braindeath after using the water on the hopper[edit | edit source]

  • Player: So is that everything?
  • Captain Braindeath: No, [lad/lass], next ye'll need to go outside and catch five loads of slugings fer the brew.
  • Player: What? Sluglings? That's disgusting!
  • Captain Braindeath: Arr, [lad/lass], that it be.
  • Player: Why Sluglings?
  • Captain Braindeath: 'Cos, [lad/lass] they're one of our super-secret ingredients! Yer not too susceptible to mind control are ye [lad/lass]?
  • Player: Why?
  • Captain Braindeath: Because they have been known te, well, influence people every now and again. I'm sure ye've got nothing te worry about!
  • Player: They aren't related to those Seaslugs are they?
  • Captain Braindeath: No [lad/lass], we just call them 'Sluglings' 'cos of a long and convoluted story involvin' a metal pipe and three dead seagulls.
  • Captain Braindeath: Aye they're related! Tis a good job they'll starve if they tried te eat yer brains!
  • Player: So what should I do with these Sluglings anyway?
  • Captain Braindeath: Well, Ye shove them in the Pressure Barrel in the attic.
  • Captain Braindeath: And then ye...
  • Player: And then I...
  • Captain Braindeath: Pressurise 'em.
  • Player: Pressurise them?!
  • Captain Braindeath: Just a little.
  • Captain Braindeath: Look, we don't have all day, get movin'.
  • Captain Braindeath: Here. Ye'll need this to catch them.
  • Player: What should I do with it?
  • Captain Braindeath: Just dunk it in the water. I'm sure a clever [lad/lass] like yerself will have no problem.
  • Captain Braindeath: Oh, and if ye haul up some squiddy-looking things, don't hesitate to shove 'em in the barrel too.
  • Captain Braindeath: They add a special, fishy texture to the drink.
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Captain Braindeath after filling the pressure barrel[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How could I kill my sluggy brethern...?
  • Captain Braindeath: Snap out of it, [lad/lass]! Yer in slug-shock!
  • Player: What? Who?
  • Player: Gah! Sorry about that.
  • Captain Braindeath: No problem. Well, now ye have just one more ingredient to grab, and then we can get this 'rum' flowin!
  • Player: Well, how far away will I have to go to grab it?
  • Captain Braindeath: Not far at all, [lad/lass]. Ye've just got to get it from the basement!
  • Player: Great! What is it?
  • Captain Braindeath: Hold yer horses, [lad/lass]! While ye was off gallivantin' with yer slimy aquatic playmates, the 'rum' achieved spiritual critical mass.
  • Captain Braindeath: To put it in terms ye'll understand: the brewin' equipment is possessed.
  • Player: Possessed!
  • Captain Braindeath: Don't ye worry yerself about it! This happens all the time.
  • Captain Braindeath: Well, to tell the truth, my lads are a little quicker off the mark, so it only happens occasionally.
  • Captain Braindeath: Not that I'm criticisin' yer performance, [lad/lass].
  • Captain Braindeath: Give the controls a couple of belts with this wrench.
  • Captain Braindeath: One of the lads did a little priestin' on the side before he came here. Get him to bless it and ye'll do fine.
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Davey[edit | edit source]

  • Player: You used to be a priest, right?
  • Davey I didn't nick anything, [guv/miss]. I've got twenty people who'll swear blind I was...
  • Player: What? Never mind. I need some help with the spirit in the brewing equipment.
  • Davey Trust me, [guv/miss], lots of people need help after coming into contact with the spirits we produce here.
  • Player: Can you bless this wrench for me?
  • Davey I might well do. Remember, only the first one's free.
  • Davey: Dominoes Ad Nauseum, Romanes Eunt Domus.
  • Davey: Sorted.
  • Player: Is that it?
  • Davey Oh, you want the full package deal.
  • Davey: All right. Brace yourself.
  • A cutscene plays and the wrench is blessed.
  • Player: Groovy
  • Player: Thanks!
  • Davey: No problem, [guv/miss]. Good luck with your little problem.
  • Davey: You might find that little wrench worth hanging on to after you're done with the Spirit.
  • Player: Really? I mean, it's holy and everything, but I don't think it looks all that useful.
  • Davey: Well, it may not look much, but you'll find that you might need a few less prayer potions if you have it in your pack, if you know what I mean.
  • Player: Well, no. I don't know what you mean, but I'm sure I'll find out!
  • (End of dialogue)

Using the holy wrench on the brewing control[edit | edit source]

  • Player: The power of Guthix compels you!

Talking to Captain Braindeath after killing the evil spirit[edit | edit source]

  • Captain Braindeath: Well, now that ye've got that spirit out of there ye can dump in the final ingredient.
  • Player: And that is?
  • Captain Braindeath: We need the body of a diseased Fever Spider!
  • Player: Remind me never to drink anything you have ever made. Or touched.
  • Captain Braindeath: When yer quite done flappin' yer lips, go down into the basement and whack spiders until ye find a fever spider body.
  • Captain Braindeath: Shove it in the hopper, and then we're in business.
  • Captain Braindeath: They'll give it to ye if ye aren't wearin' somethin' too thick fer them to bite through.
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Captain Braindeath after using the spider carcass on the hopper[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Well, I stuck your spider in the hopper, what now?
  • Captain Braindeath: Now ye stand well back and watch the glory of brewin' at its best!
  • Player: Is that it?
  • Captain Braindeath: Aye [lad/lass]! Now get outside and feed that stuff to the pirates.
  • Captain Braindeath: Try givin' it to the Captain, he's in charge. Get him bladdered and the rest will fall!
  • Captain Braindeath: Ye'll need to use that bucket of yours. Most stuff can't stand bein' in contact with our 'rum' fer too long.
  • Captain Braindeath: Took us a lot of dissolvin' to work that one out.
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Captain Donnie[edit | edit source]

  • Captain Donnie: Be that the finest, most abrasive 'rum' I've ever smelled?
  • Player: Yes! That it be!
  • Captain Donnie: Hand it over or I'll run ye through!
  • Narration: The Captain drinks the 'rum' as quickly as possible.
  • Captain Donnie: Arr. Ye be a good [lad/lass], fer a filthy livin' landlubber.
  • Player: So... I take it your boss will be pleased?
  • Captain Donnie: Arr, that he will. I'll tell...
  • Captain Donnie: Wait a minute...
  • Captain Donnie: Arr, ye tricky dog!
  • Captain Donnie: Ye tried to trick old Donnie!
  • Player: Oh well, I guess I'll have to try again.
  • Captain Donnie: Arr, [lad/lass], you tried to trick me, but i was too clever for ye!
  • Captain Donnie: Besides, Rabid Jack would have my hide if I told ye it were him that sent me!
  • Player: I'm sure he would. Good job you caught me out, eh!
  • Captain Donnie: Aye! Now get ye gone, and don't return without more 'rum'!
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Captain Braindeath after talking to Captain Donnie[edit | edit source]

  • Captain Braindeath: So, what did he say?
  • Player: Not much that was coherent.
  • Player: Who is Rabid Jack?
  • Captain Braindeath: Rabid Jack!
  • Captain Braindeath: THE Rabid Jack!
  • Captain Braindeath: Egad...I haven't heard that name...
  • Captain Braindeath: ...before.
  • Player: So, who is he?
  • Captain Braindeath: Dunno [lad/lass].
  • Captain Braindeath: Almost as if I aren't changing subjects, well done!
  • Captain Braindeath: With those rottin' dogs legless they'll never keep fighting us now, so we've decided to stay here and keep the 'rum' flowin!
  • Captain Braindeath: Thanks, [lad/lass]. We'd never have managed without ye!
  • Congratulations! Quest complete!