User:Cook Me Plox/cat

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Dialogue trees[edit | edit source]

Kitten[edit | edit source]

Standard dialogue[edit | edit source]

  • How are you doing?
    • Player: How are you doing?
    • Kitten: Meeow I'm happy.
    • (Shows previous options)
  • How old are you now?
    • Player: How old are you now?
      • If kitten between 0 and 15 minutes old
        • Kitten: I'm less than a month old.
      • If kitten between 15 and 30 minutes old
        • Kitten: I'm just a month old.
      • If kitten between 30 and 165 minutes old
        • Kitten: I'm [minutes/15] months old.
      • If kitten is more than 165 minutes old
        • Kitten: I'm almost fully grown!
    • Age of your kitten: [age] minutes. Approximate time until fully adult: [3 hours minus age] minutes, assuming you look after it.
    • (Shows previous options)
  • Where do you want to go?
    • Player: Where do you want to go?
      • if UNKNOWN CONDITION
        • Kitten: Let's go to the ratpits in Ardougne. I think I fancy a fight!
      • if UNKNOWN CONDITION
        • Kitten: Can we go visit Gertrude, I'd like to see her again, she's very nice.
      • if in Ardougne Rat Pits
        • Kitten: Let's stay here. I think I fancy a fight.
    • (Shows previous options)
  • What do you want to do now?
    • Player: What do you want to do now?
    • Kitten: I'm tired, I'd like to have a nap.
    • (Shows previous options)

Shoo[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I'm just fed up with you, you're just so needy! Can't you just look after yourself for a bit?
  • Kitten: Meeeeow, don't leave me master, I'm sorry, I'll be a good kitty from now on meoooww.
  • Player: No I've really had it with you, now scat!

Cat[edit | edit source]

Overgrown cat[edit | edit source]

Lazy cat[edit | edit source]

Wily cat[edit | edit source]

Hell-kitten[edit | edit source]

Hellcat[edit | edit source]

Overgrown hellcat[edit | edit source]

Shoo[edit | edit source]

  • Overgrown hellcat: You bore me. I had packed my things weeks ago anyway, I was just hanging about to see how many little presents I could leave for you in your bank.
  • Player: If I find you've messed things up in there I'll...
  • Overgrown hellcat: You'll what? Come on now, lets be honest. You couldn't fight your way out of a cow field. I'm off!!

Lazy hellcat[edit | edit source]

Wily hellcat[edit | edit source]

Naming[edit | edit source]

Talking to Bob[edit | edit source]

  • Bob: Hi, my name is Bob.
  • Hellcat: Hello Bob!
  • Player: Do you two know each other?
  • Hellcat: I don't think so.....
  • Bob: Yes you do. Dive deep, search your feelings.
  • Hellcat: OK, I will try.
  • Player: What's up kitty?
  • Bob: If only you knew the power of Bob. Your master never told you who your real father was did he?
  • Hellcat: No, but what's that got to do with.... no, nooooo! It cannot be!!
  • Bob: Yes. I am your father!
  • Hellcat: That's impossible!!
  • Player: This is all getting very weird.
  • Bob: You can destroy Zamorak. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule this place as father and son.
  • Hellcat: OK dad, maybe later. You're scaring me!
  • Player: I think that's about enough of that. I'm off.

Cat ears[edit | edit source]

  • Kitten: Sorry human, but what are you wearing?
  • Player: I got some cat ears made for me, don't they look meeeeeeeooooowvalous.
  • The cat looks you dead in the eye, unblinking.
  • Kitten: Am I a joke to you?
  • Player: UwU?
  • Kitten: Why are you doing this?
  • Player: I thought it'd be cute and funny.
  • Kitten: It's not, take them off now human, before I get myself a pair of human ears to wear.

Talking to Gertrude's cat[edit | edit source]

Chase Vermin (Crypt Rat)[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Go on get that nasty rodent.
  • Hellcat: What? You're having a laugh I'm not going to get myself killed for you. Why don't you attack it?
  • Player: Chicken!
  • Hellcat: No stupid, I'm a cat.

Devourer Explanation[edit | edit source]

First time (not in desert)[edit | edit source]

  • Player: You know I'm still confused about all that business with the devourer.
  • Kitten: Let's go out into the desert to talk about this, if you don't mind. I want the right atmosphere for the story.

First time[edit | edit source]

  • Player: You know I'm still confused about all that business with the devourer.
  • Kitten: I suppose that is understandable, you did miss out on a little bit of the adventure.
  • Player: I did? I thought I had all my memories back.
  • Kitten: Do you remember being hypnotised then?
  • Player: Actually that part of my memory is still a little bitty.
  • Cutscene plays

Second time onwards[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Did you understand what went on in that quest with the devourer and Icthlarin?
  • Hellcat: It wasn't all that difficult to understand.
  • Player: Really? I was, no actually am, still confused.
  • Hellcat: Ok, I'll tell you what I think happened.
  • Player: Great! Story time.
  • Hellcat: There once was a high priest of some crazy religion called Klenter.
  • Player: What, a religion called Klenter? What kind of name is that?
  • Hellcat: No no. The high priest was called Klenter and he was the high priest of Icthlarin, god of the dead.
  • Player: Ok, I'm with you that far.
  • Hellcat: He dies, and a struggle starts for his soul.
  • Hellcat: Another god - the Devourer - wants to destroy his soul because she has some dispute with Icthlarin. So she takes on the guise of a human.
  • Player: Ah - the wanderer.
  • Hellcat: Very good. Now she needs help in getting Klenter's soul so she tricks some gullible fool into helping her.
  • Player: So who was that?
  • Hellcat: You!
  • Player: Oh.
  • Player: So why doesn't she have a high priest too like Icthlarin.
  • Hellcat: Well she's the god of destruction. If she had a priest or a temple or anything she would just destroy it.
  • Player: So if she's so powerful why does she need this gullible fool's help?
  • Hellcat: Because of my kind.
  • Player: Your kind?
  • Hellcat: Cats!
  • Player: What? Why would she care about you? All you ever want is a bit of attention and the odd fish or two.
  • Hellcat: We have other powers, not clear to you. Anyway I'm moving away from the story.
  • Hellcat: The wanderer recruits your help by hypnotising you. Do you remember that?
  • Player: Vaguely, I think. Why did she choose me to help her then.
  • Hellcat: Because of me.
  • Player: I don't understand.
  • Hellcat: Cats are the only things that can open the pyramid's door, so she needed an adventurer with one.
  • Hellcat: So you entered the pyramid with me - under her mind control - and stole a canopic jar containing an organ belonging to Klenter.
  • Player: Ahh I think I'm beginning to get a better understanding.
  • Hellcat: You then started to return with the jar to the Devourer, but as a sting on the tail she made you plant one of her symbols in the ceremonial room of the pyramid. You then tried to flee the pyramid but
  • Hellcat: Icthlarin appeared just as you reached the exit.
  • Player: The guy with the head of a dog?
  • Hellcat: Yes Soggy Clam. Well he either broke the devourer's hold on you or else Klenter did.
  • Hellcat: Yes Soggy Clam. Well he either broke the devourer's hold on you or else Klenter did.
  • Player: Klenter? I thought he was dead.
  • Hellcat: He was, and still is. Ok, Icthlarin summoned Klenter's soul to torment you into returning the jar, the end result was that you were freed from the devourer's grasp.
  • Player: So that's when I woke up with that jar in my inventory and had that intolerable ghost harassing me.
  • Hellcat: You then bumbled around for a bit and returned the jar, discovered that the high priest still hadn't completed the final ceremony so you got him all the bits and pieces.
  • Player: So then I remembered about the devourer's symbol which I placed in the ceremonial room and had to rush back and warn the priests about the devourer.
  • Hellcat: And the rest is simple enough to piece together.
  • Player: Thanks cat, you know you're quite smart for a fish- eating animated ball of fluff.
  • Hellcat: You say the sweetest things. Hiss.

Last time[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Can you explain to me about Icthlarin and the devourer again?
  • Kitten: I'm getting a little bit sick of talking about Icthlarin and all that stuff. If you didn't understand it the first time around, nor when I filled you in on a few details and then when I spelt it out to you what happened I don't
  • Kitten: think you'll ever get it.
  • Player: Aw come on. Just tell me one more time.
  • Kitten: Look, can we just leave it. Ask one of your adventuring friends.
  • Player: Alright puss.

Other[edit | edit source]

Raw[edit | edit source]

Wily hellcat[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Ceasar: Happy as a demon in a Lava pit.
  • Player: Good... I think.
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Ceasar: I'm feeling a bit like a ghost in a cake shop.
  • Player: A ghost in a cake shop? What do you mean?
  • Ceasar: You know... In need of exorcise.
  • Player: Oh, now that ones really bad. Guthix save me!!
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Wily hellcat: None of your business no-fur. What about you - how old are you?
  • Player: I ask the questions!!.
  • Wily hellcat: Hiss!
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Ulla : Anything evil is just fine with me.
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Lemmy : Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, I knew that I would now.. I feel nice!!
  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Baxter: Content. But a little more attention or rat hunting wouldn't go amiss.
  • Player: We'll see what we can do.

Hellcat[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Hellcat: Big, mean, and ready to rumble. Just the way I like it.
  • Player: Who's an evil little kitty then?
  • Hellcat: Hiss Hiss! Me! Do it again!
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Hellcat: I fancy pointing and laughing at some demons. They always make me cackle.
  • Player: Why's that?
  • Hellcat: Well, have you never noticed how well ghouls and demons get on?
  • Player: No... Can't say I have.
  • Hellcat: Yeah... Demons are a ghoul's best friend.
  • Player: Hmm. I'm not sure I understand that. Is it some kind of joke?
  • Hellcat: Sigh. I think you're the only joke round here, no-fur.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Hellcat: Lets get out of here! Sewers make my fur smell. Somewhere less, erm, organised.
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Hellcat: Practically perfect in every way. Ready for world domination.
  • Player: Easy there tiger.
  • Player: Go on, get lost.
  • Hellcat: Thank Zaros for that. Finally some freedom from your ugly face!
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Hellcat: I'm feeling a bit like one of those dog things, all fat and slow. I'd love to do some rat catching.
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Hellcat: Prey on the weak and injured. Let's try the wilderness!

Cat[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Cat: Good but could we go hunting again soon? One of my friends got a medal from Gertrude for catching lots of mice.
  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Cat: I'm good. But could we go adventuring soon, I'm tired of talking, meeoow?
  • Player: Who's a good cat then?
  • Cat: Me me, scratch me behind the ears.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Cat: Can we go to Varrock sewers and chase some rats?
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Cat: Here's as good a spot as any for some hunting.
  • Player: Hey puss! Any news?
  • Cat: Purr!
  • Player: Go on, get lost.
  • Cat: I was going anyway, hiss. You're probably the worst adventurer ever, I bet you'll probably be killed by a chicken before too long, hisss!!!
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Cat: I'm not too old, and not too young. In fact I think I'm just right.
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Cat: I'm not as young as I used be, I think I'm beginning to get a bit fat too. Perhaps I should chase more mice to stay fit.
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Cat: I want to go chase things kill them and then eat them, purrr.

Hell-kitten[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Hell-kitten: Great. Ready to take on another of those pesky rats!
  • Player: Who's a good little evil cat then?
  • Hell-kitten: Me me! Find me some fish heads to crunch! Yum yum.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Hell-kitten: Lets go steal some things from stalls. I do enjoy watching shopkeepers panic!
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Hell-kitten: Can we go and tear up some furniture! I love that!
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Hell-kitten: I think we should get away from those sisters. They are wierder than Dogs.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Hell-kitten: Can we go tripping people up as they climb the stairs? It's my favorite.
  • Player: I've had enough of your whiney attitude cat. Now get lost!
  • Hell-kitten: Me? Whiney? Well, if that isn't the demon calling the imp red! I'll hunt you down when I'm bigger and you'll be sorry!
  • Player: Oh ok ok I'm sorry... all is forgiven!
  • Hell-kitten: It's too late for you no-fur. I hope you get your sword stuck and a dragon falls on your head. Now shoo!
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Hell-kitten: I need to crunch something - lets go ratting!
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Hell-kitten: Yawn. I need sleep.

Overgrown hellcat[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Overgrown hellcat: Frankly, I could do with it being a bit hotter round here, but I'll survive.
  • Player: Why's that then?
  • Overgrown hellcat: Those of us more in touch with our past tend to like it warmer. It's the legacy of the Felis Silvestris Lybica, or desert cat as you would say.
  • Player: Cats in the desert?
  • Overgrown hellcat: Oh yes, but many of us left due to the harsh conditions. Sand is the worst thing to lick yourself clean from.
  • Player: I'll bet!
  • Player: Hey hey fatcat! Fancy a stroke?
  • Overgrown hellcat: Only because I know it amuses you. I couldn't care less... mmmmmmmm.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Overgrown hellcat: Straight down the throat of destruction, grasping the tonsil of death as we swing into the belly of evil!
  • Player: I see. Is that located anywhere near Lumbridge?
  • Overgrown hellcat: Only in your nightmares no-fur.
  • Player: I do have a name you know.
  • Overgrown hellcat: And so do I. But you didn't stop to ask before naming me did you?
  • Player: Touche my friend, touche.
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Overgrown hellcat: Age is irrelevant. Time is irrelevant.
  • Player: Erm, no, I mean, how are you?
  • Overgrown hellcat: Look into my eyes...
  • Player: ...My belly is full from the crunching of bones you leave behind, and my paws ache.
  • Player: What!!! Who said that?
  • Overgrown hellcat: I did, just via you. Shall I do it again?
  • Player: NO!! Just stay out of my head ok?
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Overgrown hellcat: I'd love to crunch up some rats. Mmmmm rats.
  • Player: Hey, why do Rats need oiling?
  • Overgrown hellcat: Oiling? I have no idea, but I get the feeling it's not going to be funny.
  • Player: Because they squeak. Gettit? Squeak!!
  • Overgrown hellcat: Wow. That's so funny I almost laughed. Humpf. I guess I'll have to eat something else then.
  • Player: I don't like the way you're looking at me. We'll go get some rats soon, I promise.
  • Overgrown hellcat: Good answer no-fur.

Overgrown cat[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Overgrown cat: If you don't stop talking to me, I'll never get my slouching time for the day done.
  • Player: Hey hey fatty! Fancy a tummy rub?
  • Overgrown cat: Purr, nice master.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Overgrown cat: I'd just like to go somewhere nice and warm.
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Overgrown cat: I'm old and fat if that's what you're driving at. What, are you thinking of trading me in for a younger model after all the adventuring we've done together? Is that it?
  • Player: No nothing of the sort. I was just trying to make conversation, that's all.
  • Overgrown cat: Sure, I know your game. Gonna trade me in for some death runes were ya? Eh?
  • Player: What!! How do you know about that?
  • Overgrown cat: I would have thought you would have worked that out by now. Us cats are as wise as that sphinx.
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Overgrown cat: I want to have a snooze, all this talking has made me sleepy.
  • Player: Gosh you're a bit dull and boring.
  • Overgrown cat: I suppose that's what you become once you pass your 9th birthday.

Kitten[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Kitten: You don't think I'm cute and cuddly anymore do you? Is there another cat you like?
  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Kitten: I'm really hungry, do you have any fish, meeaow?
  • Player: Who's Gielinor's most ferocious kitten?
  • Kitten: Me me, ~ Roar. (It sounds like more of a squeak)
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Kitten: Can we stay here in the sewers and hunt rats? That would be fun.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Kitten: Bob sometimes hangs out around here, do you fancy paying him a visit?
  • Player: Hmm... he is prone to wandering. But I suppose we might have a look for him.
  • Player: Hey kitty. What's new?
  • Kitten: Meow!
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Kitten: I want to chase things.

Either wily hellcat or wily cat[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Ulla : Hiss! What would you care?
  • Player: I care!
  • Ulla : Hiss!!
  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Ulla : Hiss! What would you care?
  • Player: Oh come on, you're not going to have a hissy fit with me now are you?
  • Ulla : Hiss!!
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Ulla : Back to the pits. I want to tell the catchers what a evil master you've been.
  • Player: What? You wouldn't do that would you?
  • Ulla : I would... you're great! I wouldn't have it any other way! Evilness is just so, you know, EEEVVIIILLL.
  • Player: You remind me a lot of a young chap called Dave I met once....
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Ulla : Back to the pits. I want to tell the catchers what a rotten master you've been.
  • Player: What? You wouldn't do that would you?
  • Ulla : If you paid me a little more attention I wouldn't, but I must admit I have been tempted to that for quite a while.
  • Player: Look cat, I promise I'll try to be a better to you from now on.
  • Ulla : I'll believe it when I see it.
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Ulla : I'd like to go hunting, but since you've been neglecting me I'm too fat to do that properly anymore.
  • Player: Oh come on! I'm sure you're not that bad at hunting.
  • Ulla : You're having a laugh! I couldn't even catch a cold if I tried.
  • Player: Hmm.. I think we may have to work on your self esteem first, with an attitude like yours it's no wonder you can't catch rats.
  • Ulla : Hisss. No the reason I can't catch any is because you neglect me, leaving me in the bank or in your bags for extended periods does not help.
  • Player: Ummmm..... sorry?
  • Ulla : Hmph!
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Fatty : I rather not say.
  • Player: Oh come on tell me.
  • Fatty : Ok I'm very old and fat! Are you happy now? Do you feel good, having a laugh at my expense?
  • Player: Oh puss, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. How can I make it up to you?
  • Fatty : Well maybe if you stroked me the odd time, or played with me.
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Aaaaaa: Too old to waste time talking to you about the price of fish.
  • Player: Fish?? Selling lobsters, shout me me me to buy.
  • Aaaaaa: I give up with these humans. Oh cruel fate, why do you mock me so?

Wily cat[edit | edit source]

Same stage[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Wily cat: Purr...I'm happy. %USERNAME% is good to me. But don't start neglecting me now that I've told you that.
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Jakres: I feel as old as the last rat I killed and seeing as it was so tender and juicy, it must have been fairly young.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Skamp : Lets go hunting in Lumbridge.
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Fatty : I don't know. Master knows me thinks.
  • Player: Is there anywhere in particular that you would like to go?
  • <identical to Where do you want to go?>

Unknown[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Finn : A little older than I was before and not as old as I will be in another bit.
  • Player: What kind of answer is that?
  • Finn : Well your idea of time and mine are too different for either of us to understand the other.
  • Player: Umm.. I don't really understand.
  • Finn : Well for one I don't count the time I spend in your bank - which is horribly boring nor in your bag.
  • Player: Well that's not too complicated.
  • Finn : I'm just getting started. Now there is also a difference in cat years and human years. To approximate time in cat years you take a value in years subtract 1 multiply it by 4 and then add 16.
  • Player: Ummm... so if... a cat is newly born it's already 12 cat years old?
  • Finn : I said approximate not calculate. Anyway it only works once the cat is 1 year old. Anyway the last complication is the discrepancy of rune years and earth years, which to date nobody has worked out.
  • Player: Umm... anyway back to the question, how old are you in cat years then?
  • Finn : Uh.. I don't know. I must be so old now that I've forgotten what age I am.
  • Player: Hmph!
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Wily cat: I'm getting on a bit, but I feel like there's plenty of life in me yet.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Pp : I reckon West Ardougne would be the best bet from here.
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Wily cat: Hunting! Meow! Yes hunting iss good.
  • Player: Is there anywhere in particular that you would like to go?

<identical to Where do you want to go?>

  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Caesar: Hunting!
  • Player: Is there anywhere in particular that you would like to go?

<identical to Where do you want to go?>

  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Hunter: Anywhere dangerous is good with me!

Probably wily cat and wily hellcat[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Ceasar: Lets go to the sewers of Varrock.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Joe : We're in the port's ratpits so let's go fighting.

Probably lazy cat[edit | edit source]

Stage 1[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Ludwig: I'm happy.
  • Player: Really?
  • Ludwig: Really.
  • Player: Really, really?
  • Ludwig: Really, really.
  • Player: Really, really rea....
  • Ludwig: Stop right there.
  • Player: Where?
  • Ludwig: There.
  • Player: Here?
  • Ludwig: No there.
  • Player: Agghhh!! Now you're at it.
  • Ludwig: At what?
  • Player: It.
  • Ludwig: What's it?
  • Player: You know... it...
  • Ludwig: Stop, stop, stop! Right we're going to play a little game now.
  • Player: Is it going to be fun? Is it? Is it? Is it?
  • Ludwig: It's called give the cat some peace.
  • Player: How do you play?
  • Ludwig: You gently stroke your cat, then pick it up and finally leave it for an extended snooze in your backpack.
  • Player: That doesn't sound like much fun. I'd rather spend quality time annoying you.
  • Ludwig: I'd never have guessed. Well in that case I would be really annoyed if you took me hunting rats.
  • Player: Really?
  • Ludwig: Really.
  • Player: Really, really?
  • Ludwig: AGHHHHH!!!!
  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Pp : I'm happy.
  • Player: I thought I asked you your age not how you were?
  • Pp : Oh! My fault, well then to answer your question, I'd like to go to the Varrock sewers.
  • Player: What? Are you listening to me?
  • Pp : It's a quarter past tuesday[sic].
  • Player: Are you trying to dodge the question?
  • Pp : I think your amulet might be on the blink. Meoow, Miiiaaoow!
  • You examine the amulet of catspeak checking the centre gem for any flaws.
  • Player: Strange, it looks ok to me.
  • Pp : Hiss's'sss's. ~Your cat tries to hold in a snigger, but fails miserably.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Ludwig: Well one place I don't want to go is the ratpits.
  • Player: Why's that?
  • Ludwig: All the other cats will make fun of me, I'm so badly out of shape. Take me hunting.
  • Player: Don't worry cat, I'll get you back in shape.
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Pp : I'm happy just pottering around.
  • Player: Do you fancy a bit of hunting?
  • Pp : To be perfectly honest, I'd rather just lay about and groom myself. Looking at the state of your get up I reckon you would do well to follow suit.
  • Player: There's nothing wrong with how I'm dressed.
  • Pp : That thing you're wearing is so like last year.
  • Player: I refuse to take fashion advice from a cat, a fat lazy one to boot!
  • Pp : Meeoow! I think someone is a bit touchy todaySSS.
  • Player: That's the last time I ask you what you want to do.

In Varrock[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Pp : Lets go down to the sewers, seeing as we're in Varrock.
  • Player: Would you not rather visit Gertrude?
  • Pp : Not really. I'd rather she didn't see me in my bloated state. Maybe once I get fit again we could go and visit her.

In any of the Rat pits[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Tbrew : Let's go anywhere but here. All the other cats are looking at me.
  • Player: What's wrong with that? I thought you liked attention?
  • Tbrew : Only the good kind of attention. Look can we leave here now? I think they're making fun of me.
  • Player: Don't worry cat, I'll get you back in shape and then we'll come back and see who is laughing then.

In Burthorpe post DS2[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Tbrew : Bob used to hang out around here.
  • Player: Poor Bob.


Unknown[edit | edit source]

  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Finn : Sleep.
  • Player: How am I going to get you back in shape if all you want to do is sleep?
  • Finn : Surgery. That's the answer to all our problems.
  • Player: Well smarty pants, where am I going to find a cosmetic surgeon who's willing to perform liposuction on a cat around here?
  • Finn : I don't know. Have you tried looking yet?
  • Player: Aghh!! This is ridiculous, I'm not talking to you again until you start acting sensible.

Probably lazy hellcat[edit | edit source]

  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Kdpuss: Let's go point and laugh at people getting killed by chickens.
  • Player: Nobody's ever died from chickens. What are you talking about?

<incomplete>

Stage 1[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Paz : Do you mind? I'm trying to clean!
  • Your cat turns its back to you and continues washing.
  • Player: Oi kitty! I'm talking to you!
  • Paz : Go away!! ~From the look in its eyes you decide to leave alone for now.
  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Jimmy : Yawn. I'm too lazy to even bother answering you.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Jimmy : Anywhere but here. I'm feeling lucky!
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Jimmy : Lets go to the duel arena and watch some fights!

In Varrock[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Lazy hellcat: Lets go dig up King Rollie's garden. He was very pleased the last time he saw me in there.
  • Player: Errrr, no.
  • Lazy hellcat: Chicken!


Player only[edit | edit source]

  • Player: That kitten loves to play with that ball of wool. I think it is its favourite.
  • Player: I think it's hungry!
  • Player: I think it wants some attention.
  • Player: I wonder how old you are...
  • Player: I think it's really hungry!
  • Player: I don't need to feed the cat anymore.

Naming[edit | edit source]

  • Felkrash: You should really name your cat.
  • Player: So cat, what do you think of the name?
  • Wally : Miaaow!
  • Felkrash: You should really name your cat.
  • Eleana: Hey %USERNAME%, you finally got around to naming me.
  • Player: Sorry I took so long, %CAT_NAME%, it took a while to come up with a name for you.

Talking to Fluffs[edit | edit source]

...

  • Gertrude's cat: Well, I should thank you for finding my kitten that time. I have a terrible time keeping track of them, and I never know how many Gertrude has managed to sell.
  • Wily hellcat: Hi Mommy!
  • Gertrude's cat: Hello dear!
  • Player: Aww, that's sweet.
  • Gertrude's cat: Is %USERNAME% looking after you well?
  • Wily hellcat: No complaints, Mom.
  • Gertrude's cat: Good, good. That's what I like to hear.

Newer[edit | edit source]

  • Player: How old are you now?
  • Lazy hellcat: Old, but not too old. I could still scratch that cheeky face of yours.
  • Player: Awww, poor old kitty. I suppose all this were just fields when you were a nipper!
  • Mishi : Well, most of still is, you young whippersnapper!
  • Player: Hey cat, are you up for some competitive rat hunting?
  • Kitten: Got any last minute advice?
  • <Rat Pits strategy options>
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Oaqaia: Here in the sewers seems as good a place as any.
  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Mishi : Curling up on a nice rug in front of a fire... or in the fire. Either way is good.
  • Player: You're a bit odd, really, aren't you?
  • Player: Go on get that nasty rodent.
  • Hentai: I don't want to.
  • Player: Scardy cat.
  • Fierce: I'm not, now if you don't stop right now you'll be sorry.
  • Player: Cowardly custard.
  • Fierce: Watch it, be careful what you say now!
  • Player: Cowardly, cowardly, cowardly custard!
  • Fierce: Hiss!
  • <HCIM dies here>
  • Player: Ow! What did you do that for, you crazy cat?
  • Fierce: I warned you! I did, but would you listen? Would you my tail!
  • Overgrown hellcat: We better put Unferth out of his misery and tell him that Bob is safe.
  • Player: Alrighty then!


  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Lazy hellcat: Let's go point and laugh at people getting killed by chickens.
  • Player: Nobody's ever died from chickens. What are you talking about?
  • Lazy hellcat: Oh yes they have. Have you never met the evil chicken? He's my hero!
  • Player: Cripes! I forgot about that thing.
  • Lazy hellcat: Look there he is now!
  • Player: Argh!! Where??
  • Lazy hellcat: Humans are too gullible these days. Heee heee.
  • Player: Grrr!! I'll turn you into violin strings yet kitty!
  • Player: Are you up for some rodent catching?
  • Overgrown hellcat: If you mean by rodent catching, getting myself killed by attacking that there rat,.... no.
  • Player: Oh go on, I'm sure you'd take it.
  • Overgrown hellcat: Nah, I've just groomed.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Mishi : Somewhere brutal and nasty. I could do with a snooze you see.
  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Hell-kitten: Hungry. I wound like....
  • Hell-kitten: One meeeeeellion tuna!
  • Player: One meeeeeelion tuna? Don't be daft. No, I'll stick to pie thanks.
  • Hell-kitten: Rat pie?
  • Player: Yuck! I'd rather eat rock soup with the Trolls!
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Hell-kitten: Lets go find Bob and lock him in a box.
  • Player: Where do you want to go?
  • Pp : Let'ssss gets some nasty ratsies.
  • Player: Well I suppose, there's not much else going on here.
  • <unclear start>
  • Fatty : Hiss! What does it want?
  • Player: Oh, are you annoyed at me?
  • Fatty : Hiss! What do you care anyway?
  • Player: Oh come on, who brings you hunting for nasty ratsies?
  • Fatty : Don't patronise me with your ratsies. And if you were such a good master why don't you play with me or rub my tummy?
  • Player: Why would a tough old cat like you want your tummy rubbed anyway, wouldn't you much rather go hunting?
  • Player: What do you want to do now?
  • Potato: Hunting!
  • Player: Is there anywhere in particular that you would like to go?
  • Potato: There's rats on by the western wall of the castle, let's get them.
  • Player: Hit the road cat. And don't you come back no more no more no more no more.!
  • Lazy hellcat: Your[sic] the meanest old adventurer I have ever met. I'll be back on my feet some day, back in tip top form. And when I do, you'll be for it!
  • Player: How are you doing?
  • Jimmy : I'm content. A little more action might be good, but then again you might ruffle up my fur and then I'd have to groom all over again.
  • Player: Pah! You're the laziest old bag of fluff I've ever met.
  • Player: Hey cat, are you up for some competitive rat hunting?
  • Kitten: Meoow!
  • <unclear start>
  • Player: Hey cat.
  • Cat: Meow what does the human want?
  • Player: Nothing really? Any news?
  • Cat: Nothing much, bit of this, bit of that. You know how it is.
  • <unclear end>
  • Ferox: By Zamorak! Keep that thing away from me!
  • Cat: Hiss...
  • <The Giant Dwarf with amulet of catspeak>
  • Cat: Get your hands off that, you dirty human!