Transcript of 2016 April Fools

This page contains the transcript of the 2016 April Fools. The content below is copied verbatim from Old School RuneScape and thus copyrighted by Jagex.

This transcript involves dialogue with Kupus Varza and the player.

Lettuce begin

Talking to Kupus Varza

• Kupus Varza: Hello young sprout. How can I help you?
• Select an Option
• What can you tell me about EOC?
  • Player: What can you tell me about EOC?
  • Kupus Varza: Ah, the Evolution of Cabbage. The great cruciferous march of life!
  • Kupus Varza: The cabbages are taking their rightful place in the world, and you can help them.
  • Kupus Varza: Join with me, train your cabbage picking skills, and become part of the evolutionary force!
  • Player: If this is a skill, why isn't it in the skill interface?
  • Kupus Varza: Seriously? Have you seen how little space there is left on that interface?
  • Kupus Varza: Was there anything else you wanted help with?
  • (Shows initial options)
• Where can I get a cape like yours?
  • Player: Where can I get a cape like yours?
  • Kupus Varza: This? This is a cape of skill mastery, worn by those who have achieved true cabbage picking enlightenment.
  • Kupus Varza: Give yourself over to a life of cabbage picking, and maybe you too will one day be able to wear such a cape.
  • Kupus Varza: Was there anything else you wanted help with?
  • (Shows initial options)
• Goodbye.
  • Player: Goodbye.
  • Kupus Varza: Go now young sprout, and embrace your destiny!
  • (End of dialogue)

Evolutionary labour

Picking robust cabbages

Kicking off the kale collection

• The cabbage is unusually hard to pick. Pull harder?
• Show that cabbage who's boss.
  • The player picks the cabbage and triumphantly holds it aloft.
  • (End of dialogue)
• Surrender to the power of the cabbage.
  • (Transcript missing. edit)

Upon reaching level 10 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 10.
• 

  You can now pick prickly cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Picking prickly cabbages

With bare hands

• The cabbage is too prickly to pick without hand protection.
• Player: Ow!
• The player is hit for zero damage.
• (End of dialogue)

Upon reaching level 20 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 20.
• 

  You can now pick red cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Picking red cabbages

Without a slashing weapon

• This cabbage is too firmly rooted. Only a sharp blade will be able to free it.
• (End of dialogue)

Upon reaching level 30 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 30.
• 

  You can now pick aquatic cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Picking aquatic cabbages

Without a fishing rod

• You need a fishing rod to pick this cabbage.
• (End of dialogue)

Upon reaching level 40 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 40.
• 

  You can now pick cabbage trees.
• (End of dialogue)

Picking cabbage trees

Without an axe

• (Transcript missing. edit)

Upon reaching level 50 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 50.
• 

  You can now pick frozen cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Picking frozen cabbages

Without a tinderbox

• If you try to pick this cabbage using brute force it will probably shatter. It needs thawing out.
• (End of dialogue)

Upon reaching level 60 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 60.
• 

  You can now pick rock cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Picking rock cabbages

Without a pickaxe

• (Transcript missing. edit)

Upon reaching level 70 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 70.
• 

  You can now pick metal cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Picking metal cabbages

Without a hammer

• What use is a square cabbage? This will need knocking into shape before it's worth picking.
• (End of dialogue)

Upon reaching level 80 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 80.
• 

  You can now pick crystalline cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Picking crystalline cabbages

Without a chisel

• If you try to pick this cabbage using brute force it will probably shatter. A more delicate approach may be required.
• (End of dialogue)

Upon reaching level 90 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 90.
• 

  You can now pick magic cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Picking magic cabbages

Without having seized the runes of production

• An unseen force holds you back from the cabbage. You are unable to get close enough. Try asking Kupus Varza for help.
• (End of dialogue)

Talking to Kupus Varza

• Kupus Varza: Hello young sprout. How can I help you?
• Select an Option
• What can you tell me about EOC?
  • (Same as above)
• Where can I get a cape like yours?
  • (Same as above)
• How do I pick the funny sparkling cabbages?
  • Player: How do I pick the funny sparkling cabbages?
  • Kupus Varza: The sparkling cabbages of which you speak are magic cabbages. You are close to enlightenment.
  • Kupus Varza: You must search deep within yourself if you are to control the power of the cruciferous spells necessary to pick these specimens.
  • Player: Meaning what exactly?
  • Kupus Varza: You will need great strength of character…
  • Kupus Varza: ...and you may also need some Cabbage Runes.
  • Player: Let me guess. Runes which you can sell me?
  • Kupus Varza: Well now that you mention it. I charge a mere twenty gold pieces for a dozen runes. Are you interested?
  • Do you wish to buy 12 runes for 20 coins?
  • If I must.
    • Player: If I must.
    • 

      Kupus sells you 12 cabbage runes.
    • Kupus Varza: Was there anything else you wanted help with?
    • What can you tell me about EOC?
      • (Same as above)
    • Where can I get a cape like yours?
      • (Same as above)
    • Can I buy some more cabbage runes please?
      • Player: Can I buy some more cabbage runes please?
      • Kupus Varza: Certainly you can. I charge a mere twenty gold pieces for a dozen runes. Are you interested?
      • Do you wish to buy 12 runes for 20 coins?
      • Yes please.
        • Player: Yes please.
        • (Same as above)
      • On seconds thoughts, I don’t need cabbage runes.
        • (Transcript missing. edit)
  • I'm not falling for this.
    • (Transcript missing. edit)
• Goodbye.
  • (Same as above)

Upon reaching level 100 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 100.
• 

  You can now pick sacred cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Picking sacred cabbages

While still being unworthy

• Only those worthy may pick the sacred cabbages. Try asking Kupus Varza for help.
• (End of dialogue)

Talking to Kupus Varza

• Kupus Varza: Hello young sprout. How can I help you?
• Select an Option
• What can you tell me about EOC?
  • (Same as above)
• Where can I get a cape like yours?
  • (Same as above)
• How can I pick the weird glowing cabbages?
  • Player: How can I pick the weird glowing cabbages?
  • Kupus Varza: Weird! Those are sacred cabbages. Cabbages that have achieved true oneness with Brassica Prime.
  • Kupus Varza: Ah, but you are not to know. You are very young after all.
  • Kupus Varza: Only the truly devout can hope to partake of the sacred cabbages. Do you seek enlightenment?
  • Select an Option
  • Teach me oh wise one.
    • Player: Teach me oh wise one.
    • Kupus Varza: A wise choice. It would seem that Brassica Prime smiles upon you.
    • Kupus Varza: The secret you seek is within the pages of this book, the Cruciferous Codex.
    • Kupus Varza: Only those who wield the power of the Codex will be able to partake of these most succulent of Brassica’s followers.
    • 

      Kupus hands you a copy of the Cruciferous Codex.
    • Kupus Varza: Was there anything else you wanted help with?
    • (Shows other options)
  • I have to be going now.
    • (Transcript missing. edit)
• Goodbye.
  • (Same as above)

Without the cruciferous codex equipped

• Only those who wield the power of the Cruciferous Codex may pick the sacred cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Upon reaching level 110 in Cabbage Picking

• The cabbages are evolving…
• A bright flash briefly veils the screen.
• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 110.
• 

  You can now pick synoptic cabbages.
• (End of dialogue)

Cream of the crop

Reaching level 120 Cabbage Picking

• 

  Congratulations, you advanced a Cabbage Picking level.
  Your Cabbage Picking level is now 120.
• 

  Congratulations! You are now a master of Cabbage Picking. Why not visit Kupus Varza at the Cabbage Field? He has something special that is only available to true masters of the Cabbage Picking skill!
• (End of dialogue)

Talking to Kupus Varza

• Kupus Varza: Hello young sprout. How can I help you?
• Select an Option
• What can you tell me about EOC?
  • (Same as above)
• Where can I get a cape like yours?
  • Player: Where can I get a cape like yours?
  • Kupus Varza: This? This is a cape of skill mastery, worn by those who have achieved true cabbage picking enlightenment.
  • Kupus Varza: Give yourself over to a life of cabbage picking, and maybe you too will one day be able to wear such a cape.
  • Kupus Varza: But you… you have already achieved mastery! In such little time! But how?
  • Kupus Varza: Well, I surely cannot deny you the cape now. There is of course a fee…
  • Player: How much?
  • Kupus Varza: Ten cabbages. I would of course prefer to give them away, but alas I have to make ends meet. What do you say?
  • Would you like to buy a skillcape for 10 cabbages?
  • Sure.
    • Player: Sure.
    • Kupus Varza: An excellent choice.
    • If the player has fewer than ten cabbages:
      • You do not have enough cabbages.
      • (End of dialogue)
    • If the player has at least ten cabbages:
      • 

        Kupus presents you with your very own Cabbage Picking skillcape!
      • (Player receives a cabbage cape.)
      • Kupus Varza: Was there anything else you wanted help with?
      • (Same as above)
  • Not right now.
    • (Transcript missing. edit)
• Goodbye.
  • (Same as above)
• Congratulations! Event complete!