Transcript of 2021 Birthday event

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This transcript involves dialogue with Duke Horacio, Duke Horacio (2021 Birthday event), Bob (2021 Birthday event), Father Aereck (2021 Birthday event), Donie (2021 Birthday event), Zeke, Zeke (2021 Birthday event), Luthas, Awowogei (2021 Birthday event), Mofina (2021 Birthday event), Eluned (2021 Birthday event), and the player.

Starting out[edit | edit source]

Searching the crates at Zeke's Superior Scimitars before the first cutscene[edit | edit source]

  • You search the crate but find nothing.
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Duke Horacio before the cutscene[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: Greetings. Welcome to my castle.
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Duke Horacio: Ah, [player name], I'm glad you're here. I was wondering if I could ask for your assistance with a rather urgent matter.
      • Player: Oh? I'd be happy to help. What is the issue?
        • If the player has not learned about H.A.M. from the Dorgeshuun quest series:
          • Duke Horacio: Well, it is my job as Duke to help oversee and manage the people of Lumbridge. Among them is an organisation known as H.A.M. which stands for 'Humans Against Monsters'.
        • If the player has learned about H.A.M. from the Dorgeshuun quest series:
          • Duke Horacio: Well, it is my job as Duke to help oversee and manage the people of Lumbridge. Among them is the H.A.M organisation which I believe you're familiar with already.
      • Duke Horacio: Recently, this group has been gathering more support and the citizens of Lumbridge have become less fond of outsiders.
      • Duke Horacio: So I thought I'd throw a party and invite as many new faces as I could.
      • Player: That sounds like a fantastic idea! Can I come to this party?
      • Duke Horacio: Well... unfortunately the party isn't going ahead as planned. I've sent an invitation to King Awowogei of Ape Atoll, and while he couldn't make it, some of his followers decided to come along in his place.
      • Duke Horacio: As soon as the monkeys arrived in Lumbridge, things started getting out of hand...
      • (Continues below)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Talking to Duke Horacio if the cutscene is interrupted[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: Greetings. Welcome to my castle.
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Duke Horacio: As soon as the monkeys arrived in Lumbridge, things started getting out of hand...
      • A cutscene plays in which Bob sees a monkey. Zombie Pirate plays during the scene.
      • Bob: What the... get out of my shop!
      • The monkey jumps onto Bob's back.
      • Bob: Urgh... what are you doing? Get off me!
      • The scene transitions to one where Father Aereck sees a monkey.
      • Father Aereck: Oh my, what are you doing here?
      • The monkey jumps onto Father Aereck's back.
      • Father Aereck: Argh! What on Gielinor is going on?
      • The scene transitions to one where Donie sees a monkey.
      • Donie: No, get away!
      • The monkey jumps onto Donie's back.
      • Donie: Get off me! No, no... don't pull my hair!
      • The scene transitions to one where a monkey child sees a sheep and jumps onto its back, falling asleep immediately after. The next scene depicts a monkey with a cowboy hat, who encounters a cow.
      • Monkey on cow: Look at that, a fantastic steed!
      • The monkey jumps onto the cow's back.
      • Monkey on cow: Haha! Now we're talkin'.
      • The scene transitions to one where a monkey sees a unicorn.
      • Monkey on unicorn: I've never seen a creature like this before!
      • The monkey jumps onto the unicorn's back.
      • Monkey on unicorn: Wow, this one has a sword on its head!
      • The cutscene ends.
      • Duke Horacio: Now my citizens are under attack and I fear that I've only made things worse.
      • (Continues below)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Searching the crates at Zeke's Superior Scimitars after the first cutscene[edit | edit source]

  • Zeke: Leave that barrel[sic] alone! That property doesn't belong to you!
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Duke Horacio after the cutscene[edit | edit source]

Talking to Duke Horacio after the cutscene, if interrupted[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: Greetings. Welcome to my castle.
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Duke Horacio: Now my citizens are under attack and I fear that I've only made things worse.
        • If the player has not completed Monkey Madness II:
          • Player: So you'd like me to go and kill all of the monkeys and save the people of Lumbridge? I can do that.
        • If the player has completed Monkey Madness II:
          • Player: That's strange... After the Glough incident I thought that King Awowogei would be more accepting of humans.
          • Player: I suppose I could round up all of the monkeys for you, but I've never captured a monkey before. Perhaps it would be easier to just kill them?
      • Duke Horacio: No, we can't do that! If you went around killing these monkeys it would only empower the H.A.M. organisation.
      • Duke Horacio: How about this - there is a scimitar merchant named Zeke across the border to Al-Kharid, and I've heard he's been researching methods to trap monkeys safely.
      • Duke Horacio: I'd like you to go see him and find out if he can help you with apprehending all 6 of these monkeys.
        • If the player has not completed Prince Ali Rescue:
          • Player: Won't I need money to cross the border to Al-Kharid? Is there any chance you'd be able to provide that?
            • If the player has free inventory space for coins:
              • Duke Horacio: That seems like a reasonable request, here you go.
              • The Duke hands you some coins.
              • (Player receives 20 coins.)
              • (End of dialogue)
            • If the player does not have free inventory space for coins:
              • Duke Horacio: That seems like a reasonable request, come back to me when you have space in your inventory for the coins.
              • (End of dialogue)
        • If the player has completed Prince Ali Rescue:
          • Player: I'll see what I can do.
          • (End of dialogue)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Talking to Duke Horacio again[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: Greetings. Welcome to my castle.
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Duke Horacio: Have you spoken to Zeke?
      • Player: No, not yet. Where can I find Zeke again?
      • Duke Horacio: Zeke is the owner of the scimitar shop in Al-Kharid. You should find out if he can help us apprehend the monkeys safely.
        • If the player has not completed Prince Ali Rescue, and did not receive coins earlier:
          • Player: Won't I need money to cross the border to Al-Kharid? Is there any chance you'd be able to provide that?
          • (Same as above)
        • If the player has received coins or completed Prince Ali Rescue:
          • Player: I will do, thanks!
          • (End of dialogue)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Attempting to take from the barrels at Zeke's Superior Scimitars before finishing dialogue with Zeke[edit | edit source]

  • Zeke: Leave that barrel alone! That property doesn't belong to you!
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Zeke[edit | edit source]

Talking to Zeke about the 8th birthday event initially[edit | edit source]

  • Zeke: A thousand greetings, [sir/madam].
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Player: I've been sent by Duke Horacio of Lumbridge to ask for your help in dealing with a matter of great urgency.
      • Zeke: The Duke of Lumbridge? And what could he have to do with me? To him I am but a simple scimitar salesman.
      • Player: Well, the Duke has heard that you may have been looking into methods to safely trap monkeys.
      • Zeke: I'm afraid my trap designs are more... experimental than anything. Sadly the Duke will have to look elsewhere if he wishes to obtain a monkey.
      • Player: I don't think you understand. It's not that he wants a monkey - he wants to save the citizens of Lumbridge from a group of 6 monkeys from Ape Atoll!
      • Zeke: Ape Atoll? What are those banana-brained nitwits doing over here? Well...well... I guess I may just be able to help you after all, [sir/madam].
      • Zeke: I've been wanting to get my hands on a monkey from Ape Atoll for a while now. Cunning, crafty and much more intelligent than your average Karamjan variant.
      • Zeke: What we need is a special kind of trap. Made from 3 pieces of bamboo and loaded with a banana so irresistible that they won't hesitate to jump inside.
      • Player: Bamboo... and a special banana. Right. Do you know where I can find these things?
      • Zeke: You're in luck, adventurer! I just so happen to have the supplies on hand. Help yourself to the supplies in my shop.
      • Zeke: You're going to need to make one for each monkey, so 6 traps in total and you'll need a knife to construct each trap.
        • Could I borrow a knife?
          • Player: Could I borrow a knife?
            • If the player hasn't already obtained one from Zeke:
              • If the player has a knife in inventory:
                • Zeke: Are you sure you don't already have a knife on you?
                • Player: Oh. It appears you are right.
                • (Shows other options)
              • If the player doesn't have a knife, and the player's inventory is full:
                • Zeke: Certainly, however you do not appear to have space for one.
                • (Shows other options)
              • If the player doesn't have a knife, has free inventory space:
                • Zeke: Certainly. However, I only have one spare knife so be careful not to lose it!
                • Zeke hands you a knife.
                • (Shows other options)
            • If the player has already obtained one from Zeke:
              • Zeke: I already gave you my spare knife. I don't have another one, but you should be able to purchase one from the Lumbridge general store.
              • (Shows other options)
        • What do I have to do again?
          • Player: What do I have to do again?
          • Zeke: You asked for my help in building a monkey trap. You can build one by using a knife on three pieces of bamboo with a premium banana. I have the bamboo and premium bananas on hand in the barrels nearby.
          • Zeke: I'd imagine the Duke is waiting for news about the monkeys. You should return to him once you are done here.
          • Player: Thanks for your help!
          • (Shows other options)
        • Why are you so interested in monkeys from Ape Atoll?
          • Player: Why are you so interested in monkeys from Ape Atoll?
          • Zeke: Well, business hasn't been doing great lately. Years ago there wasn't a person who didn't know of Zeke and his amazing scimitars!
          • Player: What happened?
          • Zeke: After a while, mithril scimitars were no longer good enough and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't find a reliable smith to supply adamant or runite variants.
          • Zeke: However, I understand that those monkeys on Ape Atoll somehow obtained a supply of DRAGON scimitars but, despite my best efforts, I haven't been able to find the supplier.
          • Player: So that's why you want to get hold of an Ape Atoll monkey? To discover the source of these scimitars?
          • Zeke: Yes! Exactly! If I can get my hands on the most premium of scimitars, I'll be swarmed by eager customers. The name Zeke will be known across the land once again!
          • Player: Have you ever heard of the Abyssal whip?
          • Zeke: I sell scimitars, not whips! This is not that kind of shop!
          • Player: That's not what I... never mind.
          • (Shows other options)
        • Where did you get premium bananas?
          • Player: Where did you get premium bananas?
          • Zeke: Haha! Wouldn't you like to know? Luthas would kill me if I told you!
          • Player: Luthas? The guy who owns the banana plantation on Karamja?
          • Zeke: Forget I said anything.
          • (Shows other options)
        • I'll be on my way.
          • Player: I'll be on my way.
          • (End of dialogue)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Talking to Zeke about the 8th birthday event subsequently[edit | edit source]

  • Zeke: A thousand greetings, [sir/madam].
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Could I borrow a knife?
        • (Same as above)
      • What do I have to do again?
        • (Same as above)
      • Why are you so interested in monkeys from Ape Atoll?
        • (Same as above)
      • Where did you get premium bananas?
        • (Same as above)
      • I'll be on my way.
        • (Same as above)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Using knife on a premium banana[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I'm not sure how effective this banana would be if it were cut up.
  • (End of dialogue)

Eating a premium banana[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I really should use this to make a Monkey cage instead. I'm sure there'll be time to eat one after the monkeys have been dealt with.
  • (End of dialogue)

Crafting monkey cages[edit | edit source]

  • If the player has enough supplies to build only one cage:
    • You successfully build a Monkey cage.
    • (End of dialogue)
  • If the player has enough supplies to build multiple cages:
    • You successfully build some Monkey cages.
    • (End of dialogue)
  • If the player attempts to craft more while already having six monkey cages in inventory:
    • You cannot build anymore traps as you already have 6 built.
    • (End of dialogue)

Placing monkey traps[edit | edit source]

  • Player: The Duke asked me to return to him after speaking to Zeke before trying to capture any monkeys.
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Luthas[edit | edit source]

  • Do you know of a man called Zeke?
    • Player: Do you know of a man called Zeke?
    • Luthas: Zeke? Why do you ask?
    • Player: I'm err..[sic] here to collect his next shipment of premium bananas.
    • Luthas: I don't know what you're talking about.
    • Player: Are you sure?
    • Luthas: Yes! Now stop bothering me.
    • Player: No premium bananas for me then...
    • (End of dialogue)
  • Talk about something else.
    • Non-event dialogue

Monkey Madness[edit | edit source]

Talking to Duke Horacio[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: Greetings. Welcome to my castle.
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Duke Horacio: Good to see you again, [player name]. Have you spoken to Zeke yet?
      • Player: Yes, Zeke may have his own motivations for helping but he agreed to teach me how to make some traps for these monkeys.
      • Duke Horacio: That's fantastic news! It's all in your hands now, [player name]. Please put an end to this monkey madness.
      • Duke Horacio: While you were gone I was able to work with the Lumbridge Guide to compile a list of all the monkey sightings.
        • If the player's inventory is full:
          • Duke Horacio: You don't have space in your inventory for the list. Return to me when you do.
          • (End of dialogue)
        • If the player has free inventory space:
          • Duke Horacio hands you a list of monkey sightings.
          • (Player receives List of monkey sightings.)
          • Duke Horacio: This should help you track down all of the monkeys.
          • Player: Thanks. I'll return to you once I've trapped them all.
          • (End of dialogue)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Talking to Duke Horacio again before receiving the monkey sightings[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: Greetings. Welcome to my castle.
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Duke Horacio: Good to see you [player name]. While you were gone I was able to work with the Lumbridge guide[sic] to compile a list of all the monkey sightings.
        • If the player's inventory is full:
          • Duke Horacio: You don't have space in your inventory for the list. Return to me when you do.
          • (End of dialogue)
        • If the player has free inventory space:
          • Duke Horacio hands you a list of monkey sightings.
          • (Player receives List of monkey sightings.)
          • Duke Horacio: This should help you track down all of the monkeys.
          • Player: Thanks. I'll return to you once I've trapped them all.
          • (End of dialogue)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Talking to Duke Horacio again after receiving the monkey sightings[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: Greetings. Welcome to my castle.
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • If the player doesn't have list of monkey sightings:
        • Ask for another list of monkey sightings.
          • Player: I appear to have misplaced that list of monkey sightings...
            • If the player's inventory is full:
              • Duke Horacio: I can write another list but you don't have space in your inventory for it. Return to me when you do.
              • (End of dialogue)
            • If the player has free inventory space:
              • Duke Horacio: I'm used to adventurers misplacing the things I give them. You wouldn't believe the number of anti-dragon shields I've handed out in my time!
              • Duke Horacio hands you a list of monkey sightings.
              • (Player receives List of monkey sightings.)
              • Duke Horacio: You're lucky that I still remember where they all are. Do try not to lose it again.
              • Player: Thanks!
              • (End of dialogue)
      • What am I supposed to be doing right now?
        • Player: What am I supposed to be doing right now?
        • Duke Horacio: There are monkeys from Ape Atoll harassing various people and creatures around Lumbridge. The list I gave you contains all of their sightings.
        • Duke Horacio: You should capture the monkeys using the traps that Zeke, the scimitar salesman in Al-Kharid, tought[sic] you to build.
        • Duke Horacio: Once you have captured all of the monkeys, you should return them to me so I can send them off back to Ape Atoll.
        • Player: Okay, thanks. I'll be back with the captured monkeys soon.
        • (End of dialogue)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Placing trap outside of monkey sightings[edit | edit source]

  • Player: There don't appear to be any people nearby who need saving. Perhaps I should get closer?
  • (End of dialogue)

Bob the smith[edit | edit source]

Placing the trap[edit | edit source]

  • A cutscene begins.
  • Bob: Argh! Get this stinking monkey off me!
  • The player sets up the monkey trap.
  • Player: Come over this way!
  • Bob faces his back towards the trap, and the monkey jumps off and becomes trapped. Bob then kicks the cage in anger.
  • Bob: Keep that thing out of my shop!
  • Bob walks away from the cage.
  • Player: He could've been a bit more grateful.
  • Player: C'mon little fellow, let's get you safely back home.
  • The player picks up the cage, and the cutscene ends.

Talking to Bob's caged monkey[edit | edit source]

  • Monkey: Let me out! Let me out! When I get out of this crate, I'm going to give that axe merchant a piece of my mind.
  • Player: That's exactly why I'm not letting you out. You've caused enough trouble as it is.
  • Monkey: I didn't do anything at all! All I wanted was a monkey- sized battle axe and when I found one, that human started yelling and throwing things at me.
  • Monkey: I even offered to pay for it but he wouldn't accept my money.
  • Player: I mean you did try to steal his stuff first. Perhaps you should be more honest next time?
  • Monkey: But I'm a paying customer! I have rights! He can't treat me like that!
  • Player: *sigh* If I put in a word with his manager, would that satisfy you?
  • Monkey: Only if I get compensation too!
  • Player: I'll see what I can do.
  • (End of dialogue)

Using a monkey cage on Bob with Bob's caged monkey in inventory[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I don't see any more monkeys on him!
  • (End of dialogue)

Father Aereck[edit | edit source]

Placing the trap[edit | edit source]

  • A cutscene begins, showing Father Aereck in prayer.
  • Father Aereck: ...and with your strength, I know we will be able to get through this ordeal...
  • Player: Erm, Father Aereck?
  • Father Aereck: For only those who are the most faithful...
  • Player: FATHER AERECK!
  • Father Aereck stands up and faces the player.
  • Father Aereck: Ah, [player name]. I had faith that Saradomin would send you to help me.
  • Player: Saradomin? It was the Duke that sent me!
  • Father Aereck: Ah, but who told the Duke that I was in need of your assistance?
  • Player: I'm pretty sure it was the Lumbridge Guide who created the list for the Duke.
  • Father Aereck: And how did the Lumbridge Guide learn of this?
  • Player: I mean... he stands right outside your church! He probably saw the monkey come in and heard your cries for help!
  • Father Aereck: Saradomin works in wonderous ways, [player name]. If you spent more time devoting yourself to him, I'm sure you would understand.
  • Player: I...
  • Father Aereck: Yes?
  • Player: *sigh* Could you just come over here so I can trap the monkey? I have more pressing things to do right now than discuss theology.
  • Father Aereck: Certainly.
  • The player sets up the trap. Father Aereck walks towards the player and faces his back towards it.
  • Father Aereck: Now now little monkey, it's time to return to where you came from.
  • The monkey jumps off Father Aereck's back and into the cage.
  • Player: That was easier than I feared. It didn't seem like the monkey was giving you all too many problems.
  • Father Aereck: That's because he wasn't bothering me at all!
  • Player: Wait, if this monkey wasn't bothering you then why were you praying for help?
  • Father Aereck: Oh, I wasn't praying for myself. I was praying for him!
  • Father Aereck: Things were a bit hectic at first, but once I started preaching about the glory of Saradomin, a wave of calm and understanding came over this poor fellow.
  • Player: I think he might have been sleeping.
  • Father Aereck: May Saradomin guide you on the rest of your travels, [player name].
  • Player: C'mon little fellow, let's get you safely back home.
  • The player picks up the cage, and the cutscene ends.

Talking to Aereck's caged monkey[edit | edit source]

  • Monkey: *yawn* I told you human, I'm not interested in following your Saradomin.
  • Player: I see you're finally awake!
  • Monkey: Oh, you're a different human than last time. Well, Marimbo is the only goddess for me and you won't persuade me otherwise.
  • Player: You don't have to worry, I'm not a priest. I won't try to convert you to Saradomin.
  • Player: Although, I'm not all that familiar with Marimbo. Is that the god you worship?
  • Monkey: Goddess, but yes. All monkeys send their thoughts and prayers to Marimbo.
  • Player: I didn't realise monkeys were so religious. You learn something new every day I suppose!
  • Monkey: Well, if you could start learning how to open this cage that would be appreciated. I've got a job to do.
  • Player: Oh, sure... I'll get right on it. But it might take me a while to figure it out.
  • (End of dialogue)

Using a monkey cage on Father Aereck with Aereck's caged monkey in inventory[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I don't see any more monkeys on him!
  • (End of dialogue)

Donie[edit | edit source]

Placing the trap[edit | edit source]

  • A cutscene begins.
  • Donie: Help! Someone please help! This monkey is attacking me!
  • Donie: Someone? Anyone!
  • Donie: Aaah! It's pulling my hair!
  • The player sets up the monkey trap.
  • Player: Quick! Come this way!
  • Donie walks towards the player and faces her back towards the cage.
  • Donie: Thanks for getting that monkey. You're my saviour!
  • Donie thinks.
  • Donie: Although I'm not sure how I can possibly repay you?
  • Player: Don't mention it. I'm happy to help.
  • Donie: Oh my, aren't you a rare breed of adventurer?
  • Donie: You wouldn't believe how many people just ran on by, ignoring my plight. They're always just looking out for themselves and won't do anything unless they'll get something out of it.
  • Player: Well, I hope you now know that not everyone is like that.
  • Player: C'mon little fellow, let's get you safely back home.
  • The player picks up the cage, and the cutscene ends.

Talking to Donie's caged monkey[edit | edit source]

  • Monkey: Ah! Is it gone yet? Did you kill it?
  • Player: Kill what? Are you okay? What's wrong?
  • Monkey: I... I'm not the bravest amongst my friends and when I left the group I saw this huge, creepy, green-skinned creature! I thought it was going to eat me!
  • Player: Huge... green skinned?
  • Player: Oh! You mean a goblin! I suppose they would be quite a bit scarier from your perspective.
  • Monkey: I... don't know what it is but please just send me back to Ape Atoll. I don't think I am cut out for this.
  • Player: It's okay, you're safe now inside this cage and you'll be back home before you know it.
  • (End of dialogue)

Using a monkey cage on Donie with Donie's caged monkey in inventory[edit | edit source]

  • Player: I don't see any more monkeys on her!
  • (End of dialogue)

Sheep[edit | edit source]

Placing the trap[edit | edit source]

  • A cutscene begins.
  • Player: Player: Wait, is that monkey asleep?
  • Player: Aww, it's so cute! I'd really hate to wake it up.
  • Player: I suppose I could catch the other monkeys first.
  • Player: But then what if it's woken up before I get back?
  • Player: *sigh* I guess a job's a job...
  • The player sets up the monkey trap.
  • Player: Oh, the banana isn't waking it up.
  • Player: Erm, monkey? Wake up! There's a tasty banana here for you!
  • The monkey remains asleep.
  • Player: HEY, MONKEY! WAKE UP!
  • The monkey wakes up and jumps towards the cage.
  • Player: I kind of feel bad about that. I didn't want to be mean, but I suppose there was no other choice.
  • Player: C'mon little fellow, let's get you safely back home.
  • The player picks up the cage, and the cutscene ends.

Talking to Sheep's caged monkey[edit | edit source]

  • Baby monkey: Wha... what's going on? Is it time to attack the humans yet?
  • Player: Erm, no, not yet. You can continue sleeping.
  • Baby monkey: Oh... okay then...
  • You hear some snoring sounds coming from the trap.
  • Player: Out for the count. It's probably for the best.
  • (End of dialogue)

Cow[edit | edit source]

Placing the trap[edit | edit source]

  • A cutscene begins.
  • Monkey on cow: Go forward!
  • The cow moves forward.
  • Monkey on cow: Now left!
  • The cow moves right.
  • Monkey on cow: I said left, not right! Turn around!
  • The cow turns around.
  • Monkey on cow: Forward!
  • The cow moves forward.
  • Monkey on cow: You can do it this time. Go left! Left!
  • The cow moves right.
  • Monkey on cow: No! No! No! Left! LEFT! Not right! Turn around again!
  • The cow turns around.
  • Monkey on cow: Forward!
  • The cow moves forward, and the player appears, stopping it mid-way.
  • Monkey on cow: You can do it this time. Go right! Right!
  • Player: You can talk!
  • Monkey on cow: Of course I can. Now stand back, foul human, lest me and my beast slay you!
  • Player: Erm, okay?
  • The player moves one step back.
  • Monkey on cow: Very good. Now let's try this again. Go right!
  • The cow moves left.
  • Monkey on cow: I give up! This beast is useless!
  • Player: Have you tried turning off inverted controls?
  • Monkey on cow: What?
  • Player: Erm, never mind.
  • Player: What exactly are you trying to do?
  • Monkey on cow: I was trying to take control of this beast so that we had an advantage in combat against you humans!
  • Monkey on cow: If I can't tame this beast then I guess I'll have to deal with you myself!
  • Player: I see. Before we get down to business, would you like a nice banana?
  • Monkey on cow: A banana? Is this some sort of trick? I doubt you have a banana with you human.
  • The player sets up the monkey trap.
  • Player: See! There's a banana right here. Come get it!
  • The cow moves to the front of the cage. The monkey jumps towards the cage and is trapped.
  • Monkey: Let me out! I knew this was a trick!
  • Monkey: *munch* *munch* This is a very good banana though.
  • Player: C'mon little fellow, let's get you safely back home.
  • The player picks up the cage, and the cutscene ends.

Talking to Cow's caged monkey[edit | edit source]

Editor's note: Completion of Monkey Madness II makes no difference to dialogue.

  • Monkey: That was a mighty fine banana. Do you have any more?
  • Player: I'm afraid that was the last one I had.
  • Monkey: Oh, that's unfortunate.
  • Player: So...
  • Monkey: Yes?
  • Player: You can speak?
  • Monkey: And so can you. What's your point?
  • Player: I mean, how can you speak? I thought you guys could only say things like 'ook ook'? Is it magic?
  • Monkey: When we decided to come here and thwart your Humans Against Monkeys operation, we made sure to obtain some amulets of humanspeak so that we could better intimidate you all.
  • Player: I see... can I have your amulet of humanspeak?
  • Monkey: No.
  • Player: Oh... okay then.
  • (End of dialogue)

Unicorn[edit | edit source]

Placing the trap[edit | edit source]

  • A cutscene begins.
  • Monkey on unicorn: Ahah! With this mount I will be unstoppable in combat and shall take over this land belonging to the humans!
  • Monkey on unicorn: What's this? A challenger?
  • The camera pans to reveal another unicorn.
  • Monkey on unicorn: Oh? You're approaching me?
  • Both unicorns move and the opposing one attacks, dealing 0 damage to the monkey.
  • Monkey on unicorn: Haha! You don't stand a chance!
  • The opposing deals 1 damage to the monkey.
  • Monkey on unicorn: Is that the best you can do?
  • The opposing deals 1 damage to the monkey.
  • Monkey on unicorn: Now, get ready to face my might!
  • Unicorn1337Kilr appears, and deals 19 damage to the opposing unicorn, killing it and picking up the unicorn horn.
  • Unicorn1337Kilr: Nice, another unicorn horn! What are the odds?
  • Unicorn1337Kilr walks away.
  • Monkey on unicorn: Wait, what? You can't do that! Come back here!
  • The camera pans to show the player approaching.
  • Player: It's never nice when someone steals your kill. I can sympathize with that.
  • Monkey on unicorn: Another one! I shall fight you instead!
  • Player: No! Wait! I'm not your enemy! In fact, I've come to join you in your fight against the humans!
  • Monkey on unicorn: Is that so? Prove your loyalty to me!
  • Player: I have a nice banana here. Would that prove it?
  • Monkey on unicorn: Only if it is the best banana in the world!
  • The player sets up the monkey trap.
  • Player: I promise, this will be the best banana you've ever had.
  • The monkey jumps towards the cage and is trapped.
  • Monkey: Haha! You think this cage can stop me?
  • Monkey: Almost got it!
  • Monkey: They're starting to bend!
  • Player: C'mon little fellow, let's get you safely back home.
  • The player picks up the cage, and the cutscene ends.

Talking to Unicorn's caged monkey[edit | edit source]

  • Monkey: You lied to me human. While that was a mighty fine banana, it was not the best banana in the world!
  • Player: And how would you know? Have you tried every banana in the world?
  • Monkey: Well, no... I suppose not, but I've had better. On Ape Atoll there is a tree which grows red bananas. They are the best!
    • If players have not completed the King Awowogei subquest for Recipe for Disaster:
      • Player: Red bananas? Surely you're pulling my leg? There's no such thing.
      • Monkey: What? I'm in this cage. I can't pull your leg.
    • If players have completed the King Awowogei subquest for Recipe for Disaster:
      • Player: Ah, of course. I almost forgot about those. I once had to prepare a stuffed snake using those bananas for King Awowogei.
      • Monkey: Wait? You've worked for our great ruler? I didn't realise we had started employing human chefs. Bring me a banana sandwich immediately!
  • Player: Erm... never mind.
  • (End of dialogue)

Catching the last monkey[edit | edit source]

  • Player: That's the last of the monkeys caught. I should go and return them all to the Duke of Lumbridge.
  • (End of dialogue)

Finishing up[edit | edit source]

Talking to Duke Horacio[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: Greetings. Welcome to my castle.
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Player: I've captured all of the monkeys!
      • Duke Horacio: I knew I could count on you, [player name]. If you hand them over to me, we can start the celebrations!
      • If the player still has all 6 monkeys in their inventory
      • If the player has inexplicably released at least one of the monkeys after collecting them all
        • Player: Wait... hold on. I know I put them somewhere.
        • Duke Horacio: You don't have the monkeys on you?
        • Player: I know I captured all six... I must've misplaced some of them on the way back.
        • Duke Horacio: Well you'd better find out where. If they've escaped you'll probably find them harassing people again. Check the information on that list I gave you.
        • (Even if the player has never looked at the list & does not have it in their inventory)
        • Player: Huh? When I last looked at the list, all the names were scored out. Why would they suddenly not be scored out?
        • Duke Horacio: Well, do you remember scoring out the names in the first place?
        • Player: Now that you mention it...
        • Duke Horacio: You see, I didn't give you a normal list - I had the parchment enchanted by the Lumbridge Guide! That way you'd find out in real time where the monkeys are!
        • Player: That's... oddly convenient. Thanks, I guess!
        • (End of dialogue)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Talking to Duke Horacio again after handing the monkeys over[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: Greetings. Welcome to my castle.
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Player: So... about that party?
      • (Same as above)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Talking to Zeke at Al-Kharid immediately after handing the monkeys over to the Duke[edit | edit source]

  • Zeke: A thousand greetings, [sir/madam].
    • Talk about the 8th birthday event.
      • Why are you so interested in monkeys from Ape Atoll?
        • (Same as above)
      • Where did you get premium bananas?
        • (Same as above)
      • I'll be on my way.
        • (Same as above)
    • Talk about something else.
      • Non-event dialogue

Attempting to take from the barrels at Zeke's Superior Scimitars[edit | edit source]

Banana barrel[edit | edit source]

  • Zeke: What are you doing?
  • Player: I require another one of your premium bananas.
  • Zeke: Haven't you already captured all of the monkeys? Leave some bananas for me!
  • (End of dialogue)

Bamboo barrel[edit | edit source]

  • Zeke: What are you doing?
  • Player: I require some more bamboo.
  • Zeke: Haven't you already captured all of the monkeys? That bamboo wasn't cheap!
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to any party guests before talking to the Duke[edit | edit source]

  • NPC: I think the Duke would like to speak with you.
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Duke Horacio at the dining room[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: [player name]! So glad you could make it. I really do appreciate you rounding up all those monkeys for us.
  • Player: No problem.
    • If the player's inventory is full:
      • Duke Horacio: I am grateful for your help, [player name]. If you could free up an inventory space, I wish to reward you.
      • (End of dialogue)
    • If the player has a free inventory space:
      • Duke Horacio: I am grateful for your help, [player name]. As proof of my gratitude, I have arranged a reward for you!
      • Duke Horacio: Also, King Awowogei brought gifts from Ape Atoll as an apology for the trouble they caused. But I think you should receive them instead.
        • If the player's account is less than 24 hours old:
          • (Same as below)
        • If the player is on a free-to-play world:
          • The Duke awards you a Cursed banana.
            Happy 8th Birthday!
          • On a members-only world you'd have also received a Banana Cape. If you purchase membership you can reclaim it at any time from Diango in Draynor Village.
          • (Player receives 2 half full wine jugs.)
            • If the player had more than one free inventory space for rewards:
              • (Player receives a cursed banana and all previous birthday event and anniversary event rewards, as much as inventory space permits.)
          • (End of dialogue)
        • If the player is on a members-only world:
          • The Duke awards you a Cursed banana and a Banana cape.
            Happy 8th Birthday!
          • (Player receives 2 half full wine jugs.)
            • If the player had more than one free inventory space for rewards:
              • (Player receives a cursed banana, a banana cape and all previous birthday event and anniversary event rewards, as much as inventory space permits.)
          • (End of dialogue)

Post-event[edit | edit source]

Talking to Duke Horacio at the dining room after finishing[edit | edit source]

  • Duke Horacio: Ah, [player name]. I hope you are enjoying the party?
    • What is going to happen with the monkeys?
      • Player: What is going to happen with the monkeys?
      • Duke Horacio: Funny you should ask, actually.
      • Duke Horacio: It turns out that on the way to King Awowogei, Postie Pete was called off for an urgent request for Molly. Her evil twin had escaped again and she was looking for an adventurer to help.
      • Duke Horacio: In the process of teleporting, he left the letter behind and these monkeys found it.
      • Duke Horacio: They couldn't understand the letter so they took it to one of their elders, Mizaru, to translate. But 'Monster' didn't translate, so they assumed it said 'Monkey'.
      • Duke Horacio: So instead of a party invitation they interpreted it as a threat from an organisation called Humans Against Monkeys! They stole some amulets of humanspeak, then decided to come here and put an end to it!
      • Player: That explains what happened, I suppose. How did you find all of this out?
      • Duke Horacio: Another elder, Kikazaru, found the letter. And once he understood the situation, he went straight to King Awowogei himself. The King is over in the corner if you want to speak to him.
        • Can you give me more reward items?
          • (Same as below)
        • Thanks. I'll go enjoy the party now.
          • Player: Thanks. I'll go enjoy the party now.
          • (End of dialogue)
    • Can you give me more rewards?
      • Player: Can you give me more reward items?
        • If the player has sufficient inventory space:
          • Duke Horacio: I think that is everything I have for you.
            • What is going to happen with the monkeys?
              • (Same as above)
            • Thanks. I'll go enjoy the party now.
              • (Same as above)
        • If the player has insufficient inventory space:
          • Duke Horacio: I have given you what you can hold. You may wish to visit Diango, in Draynor Village, to collect more rewards in a more convenient setting.
            • What is going to happen with the monkeys?
              • (Same as above)
            • Thanks. I'll go enjoy the party now.
              • (Same as above)
        • If the player has received everything already:
          • Duke Horacio: I have nothing more for you.
            • What is going to happen with the monkeys?
              • (Same as above)
            • Thanks. I'll go enjoy the party now.
              • (Same as above)

Talking to Zeke[edit | edit source]

  • Zeke: Ah, [player name]. I see that you were successful in capturing the monkeys! And you must've put in a good word because the Duke himself sent an invitation for me to join the party!
  • Player: I'm grateful for your help. I'm not entirely sure what I would've done without it.
  • Zeke: Please do not spare any details. I want to know everything about how it went. Did the structural integrity of the cages hold up? How about the bananas? Did they like them?
  • Player: The cages seemed strong enough, as you can see from the fact they're still stuck in them. Although I didn't really have to do much - it seemed the premium banana did most of the work.
  • Zeke: I see, I see. Well then, perhaps I am one step closer to obtaining the dragon scimitar supplier after all!
  • Zeke: Although I will admit, I was a little caught off guard when I found out the monkeys were talking to me. I never considered that communicating with them was an option.
  • Zeke: Perhaps I'll have to try and get my hands on one of those amulets of Monkey Speak first.
  • Player: I... wish you luck.
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Awowogei[edit | edit source]

  • If players have not completed Monkey Madness II:
    • Awowogei: Greetings, human.
    • Player: I didn't realise monkeys could talk!
    • Awowogei: Some of us have learned to speak with your kind, yes. I appreciate that none of my followers were harmed during this incident.
  • If players have completed Monkey Madness II:
    • Awowogei: Once again you have proven a friend to our kind, human. I appreciate that none of my followers were harmed.
  • Player: It was definitely more work than I thought it would be.
  • Awowogei: Yes, I'd imagine so. Our kind are much more nimble than yours. I still don't know why you insist on using only two of your four legs.
  • Player: I suppose I've never thought about it like that before.
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Mofina[edit | edit source]

  • If the player has not visited Great Kourend before:
    • Player: Erm, what are you?
    • Mofina: Who are you.
    • Player: I'm [player name]. Nice to meet you.
    • Mofina: You misunderstand. Your question should've been 'who are you?', not 'what are you?'. The latter is significantly more offensive.
    • Player: Oh... erm.... I didn't mean to offend.
    • Mofina: I see. Well I am Mofina, a citizen of Arceuus.
    • Player: Nice to meet you Mofina. Erm...
    • Mofina: Yes?
    • Player: Where exactly are you from, Mofina? I haven't heard of Arceuus and I haven't seen anyone else who is dressed like you around here.
    • Mofina: You are learning. That question is significantly less offensive.
    • Mofina: Arceuus is one of five cities in the Kingdom of Great Kourend, found on the continent to the west.
    • Player: Okay, and how can I get to Kourend?
    • Mofina: I believe Veos, one of your portmasters in Port Sarim, can help assist in such matters.
  • If the player has visited Great Kourend before:
    • Player: I never expected to see one of your kind outside of Kourend. I guess the Duke invited you to the party for the same reason he invited the others?
    • Mofina: We... never expected to see any of your kind from across the sea either, but yes, you would be correct. The Duke did ask for a representative from Kourend and I was selected to attend.
    • Player: Sorry, that came across a little ruder than I intended. I just wasn't entirely sure what term to use for citizens of Arceuus.
    • Mofina: Citizens of Arceuus would have been fine.
  • Mofina: Now if you excuse me, this conversation is... tiring. Being away from the Dark Altar has taken a greater toll on me than I expected.
  • Player: I hope you still enjoy the party!
  • (End of dialogue)

Talking to Eluned[edit | edit source]

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  • If players have not met Eluned before (from Roving Elves):
    • Eluned: Greetings.
    • Player: Hi, I don't think I've seen someone like you before. What are you?
    • Eluned: What am I? I'm an elf! We don't often leave our homeland and outsiders rarely visit.
    • Player: An elf? Well what are you doing in Lumbridge?
    • Eluned: The Duke invited me here to help show the citizens that not all outsiders are evil.
    • Eluned: I'm not entirely sure how much of a help I can be, but if my presence helps reduce conflict, then I'm more than happy to help.
    • Player: I see. Well everyone seems to be having a good time. I hope to see you again in the future.
    • Eluned: I'm sure you will if you ever visit our homeland.
    • (End of dialogue)
  • If player has met Eluned before (from Roving Elves), but not started Mourning's End Part I:
    • <missing>
  • If player has started Mourning's End Part I to be able to enchant teleport crystals:
    • <missing>
  • If player has completed Song of the Elves:
    • Eluned: Greetings [player name].
    • Player: Hi Eluned, could you enchant some of my teleport crystals?
    • Eluned: I'm afraid not. I wouldn't want to make a scene by singing crystal in the middle of a party.
    • Player: But... isn't elf singing silent? How would that make a scene?
    • Eluned: Silent? Perhaps it is to you humans, but there are others here who may hear it. If you want your teleport crystals enchanted, you'll have to meet me back in Prifddinas.
    • Player: It's fine, I wasn't in a hurry anyway. Although I am curious to know why you are here in the first place? It's unusual to see you outside of Tirannwn.
    • Eluned: The Duke invited me here to help show the citizens that not all outsiders are evil.
    • Eluned: I'm not entirely sure how much of a help I can be, but if my presence helps reduce conflict, I'm more than happy to help.
    • Player: Well, it is nice to see you again. I hope you enjoy your time outside of Tirannwn.
    • (End of dialogue)