Transcript of NPC Contact

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Random NPC dialogues[edit | edit source]

Lumbridge Guide[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello!
  • Lumbridge Guide: What, who's that?
  • Player: Hehe... ahem...
  • Player: This is the voice of your conscience! You've been a very naughty boy haven't you?
  • Lumbridge Guide: What? No I haven't!
  • Player: You know what I'm talking about! Don't lie!
  • Lumbridge Guide: Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I'll never do it again!
  • Player: If you do it again, you'll be in deep trouble.

Wise Old Man[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello
  • Player: Ow!
  • Player is hit by a fire blast spell, taking no damage
  • Wise Old Man: Keep your foreign magicks out of my head!

My Arm[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hi there.
  • My Arm: Is dat you, (Player name)? My Arm can hear you but you not here.
  • Player: I'm using magic to talk to you. How's the goutweed?
  • Player: Sorry, (Player name), but My Arm not know magic, so My Arm no can reply.

This conversation will appear instead if play has completed Making Friends with My Arm

  • Player: Hi there.
  • My Arm: Is dat you, (Player name)? Why you talking in My Arm's head?
  • Player: I'm using magic to talk to you. How's life in Weiss? Is Snowflake well?
  • Player: Sorry, (Player name), but My Arm not know magic, so My Arm no can reply.

Hans[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hiya.
  • Hans: Oooh! Who are you?
  • Player: I'm a brave knight! I am coming to kill anyone in the vicinity of Lumbridge Castle!
  • Hans: Aaaaargh! Run away, run away!
  • Player: Hehe. Fool!

Evil Dave[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hallo!
  • Evil Dave: Whoa! A voice in my head! What do you want?
  • Player: I am your evil master!
  • Evil Dave: You're using dark magic to contact me! That is SO evil! What is thy bidding.O Master?
  • Player: Build me an army worthy of Zamorak!
  • Evil Dave: Yes, O master! As soon as I get this summoning thing to work, my army of evil UNDEAD CHAOS ZOMBIE DEMON ASSASSINS OF DARKNESS will overrun the world!
  • Player: Mwuhahahahaaa!

Clay Golem[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello!
  • Clay Golem: Error! Perception mismatch (auditory/visual).
  • Player: Don't worry, Golem! It's (Player name)!
  • Clay Golem: I am sorry. I can hear you but not see you. I will have to examine my eyes.
  • Player: No, you can't see me because I'm not there. I'm contacting you by magic!
  • Clay Golem: If you are not here then I cannot be hearing you. I will have to examine my ears.
  • Player: Don't worry about it, Golem.

General Wartface[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello!
  • General Wartface: What you want Bentnoze?
  • ....
  • General Wartface: Then who did say something? Who that?
  • Player: It's (Player name)! I'm talking to you by magic!
  • General Wartface: Hello (Player name)!
  • ...
  • General Wartface: Bentnoze, (he/she) is here! I hear (him/her) in head!
  • .......
  • General Wartface: Me not crazy, Bentnose! (he/she) talk to me by magic!
  • ...
  • General Wartface: You shut up Bentnoze! You stupid! You just jealous (Player name) talk to me not you!
  • ......
  • General Wartface: Shut up Bentnoze! You stupid!
  • .....
  • General Wartface: SHUT UP!

Drunken Dwarf[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Howdy.
  • Drunken Dwarf: Waaahaaay! It's [Player name]! *hic* Maate!
  • Player: How's things?
  • Drunken Dwarf: I tink oiv drunk a bit toooo much.
  • Player: So, same as always.
  • Drunken Dwarf: Wont a kebab?
  • Player: Uh, no, I'm good thanks.
  • Drunken Dwarf: Well, oym goona pass owt now. Have one on me!
  • Player: Oh, okay.
  • .....
  • Player: Erm, bye.

Al Kharid Camel[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hi there!
  • Al Kharid Camel: Why, helloooo!
  • Player: A camel?
  • Al Kharid Camel:Well this is grand darling. How nice it is to make your acquaintance!
  • Player: Thank you. Nice to meet you too.
  • Player: Wait a minute. How am I talking to you without a Camulet?
  • Al Kharid Camel:My dear, I'm a camel, how should I know?
  • Player: Hmmm. I suppose this spell must tap directly into your mind. So, there's no need for language to get in the way.
  • Al Kharid Camel:I think I am somewhat confused.
  • Al Kharid Camel:May one ask how you contacted me?
  • Player: I'm just using one of the Lunar spells.
  • Al Kharid Camel:Oh my, oh my. These youngsters today and their new-fangled gadgets!

Sandwich lady[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Sandwich lady: What do ya want for tea? And it better not be a baguette!
  • Player: .....
  • Player: ........
  • Sandwich lady: Don't ignore me, (Player name)!
  • Player: ........
  • Sandwich lady: Why wont't people talk to me?
  • Player: .....
  • Sandwich lady: I'll beat you up!
  • Player: Uhh, urr, a sandwich please?
  • Sandwich lady: Okay then, my dear! Toodle-oo!

1337mage43[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • 1337mage43: Hello?
  • Player: Hey, I started the conversation!
  • 1337mage43: No you didn't. Get out of my spell!
  • Player: No! Get out of my spell!
  • Player: Cry-baby.
  • 1337mage43: What! I'm no cry-baby, you cry-baby!
  • 1337mage43: I'm reporting you!
  • Player: Oh, how scary!
  • Player: Idiot.

Osman[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Osman: Reveal yourself!
  • Player: Ha, call yourself a spymaster! You can't see me!
  • Osman: Ahh, I'm hallucinating! Must cut back on sq'irks!

Helpline Assistant[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Helpline Assistant: You have reached the Lunar Communication Helpline. I'm sorry we can't answer your telekinetic question right now. Our opening times are carefully organised to coincide with you being busy. If you are having an emergency, you have our most profound apologies. Have a nice day. Good bye.
  • Player: Typical.

Father Urhney[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Father Urhney: At last! The voice of Saradomin! My years of meditation have paid off!
  • Player: Um...
  • Father Urhney: O mighty Saradomin! What is your message to me?
  • Player: Stop sitting around in a house in a swamp and go and do something useful!
  • Father Urhney: Oh, thank you Saradomin! I will meditate on what this message means!

Romeo[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Romeo: Oh, hello. You sound lovely.
  • Player: Sorry?
  • Romeo: You sound lovely. You have a beautiful...twang to your voice.
  • Player: Twang? It's Romeo, isn't it?
  • Romeo: May I compare thee to some pineapple chucks?
  • Player: No, Romeo. Goodbye.

Blurberry[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Blurberry: Blurberry here! Can I help?
  • Player: He He. Yes you can. I'm looking for a Gnome. Gnome Mates.
  • Blurberry: Okay, I'll ask. Everybody shush! Is there a Gnome Mates here? Did anyone come in with Gnome Mates?
  • Player: You hear laughter in the background.
  • Blurberry: Ooooh, who is this? I'll get you!
  • Player: Hahaha.

Gypsy Aris[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello.
  • Gypsy Aris: Because I can tell the future.
  • Player: Um?
  • Gypsy Aris: That is the answer to your next question.
  • Player: But how did you know what I would ask?
  • Gypsy Aris: Because I can tell the future.
  • Player: Ah, that's very clever.
  • Gypsy Aris: Thanks. Oh and be careful in the Wilderness. Tonight is not your night.
  • Player: Cheers!

Ali the Sandsweeper[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello there! Who is this?
  • Ali: Ali.
  • Player: Any particular Ali?
  • Ali: Only the best there is! I'm Ali the Sandsweeper.
  • Player: You sweep sand?
  • Ali: Certainly do! I'm the best darn sandsweeper this side of the Lum.
  • Player: There's more of you?
  • Ali: We have a union, mate! There's always sand to sweep.
  • Player: Indeed. Um, I have to go.

Man[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello.
  • Man: Excuse me!
  • Player: Oh sorry, what did I do?
  • Man: Can't you see I'm on the toilet?
  • Player: Wait a minute... a toilet?
  • Man: Yeah. A toilet.
  • Player: Riiiight. Oh, man, you didn't wipe your hands?
  • Man: Get over it.

Party Pete[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Party Pete: Yo! Party, party, party!
  • Player: Um, Party Pete?
  • Party Pete: Yeah! Party's the name, and partying is the game! Actually it's a full-time profession. You can't stop the party.
  • Player: Party Pete. Do you ever want to just relax?
  • Party Pete: Relax, don't do it! Yeah! Party mania! Yeah!
  • Player: Bye, Party.
  • Party Pete: You may leave the party, but the party nevers leaves you! Party!

Bob[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Bob: Hello.
  • Player: Ah, Bob! I've been meaning to ask you some questions
  • Bob: Okay, but be quick.
  • Player: Well, where did you come from? Why do you wander around Runescape? I've heard losts of rumours about your past!
  • Bob: It's simple really...
  • Bob: *cough* *cough*
  • Player: Are you okay?
  • Bob: *cough* I'm *cough* just...
  • Player: Bob?
  • Player: Bob! Don't die! Noooooo!
  • Player: ...
  • Bob: Sorry, I had a hairball.
  • Player: Euw! That's nasty.
  • Bob: Hey, it's normal. I'm off now!
  • Player: Bob?
  • Player: Oh no, Bob, please don't go.
  • Bob: Good bye.

Captain Cain[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Who's that?
  • Captain Cain: What? Such insolence! How dare you speak like that, you poor excuse for goblin-dribble!
  • Player: What?
  • Captain Cain: Drop and give me twenty!
  • Player: Okay, okay. I'm doing them now.
  • Player: ...
  • Captain Cain: Liar!
  • Player: Wait a minute, I don't have to put up with this. You do twenty!
  • Captain Cain: Why I oughtta!
  • Player: Erm, yeah. Bye!

Homunculus[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Homunculus: It's (Player name). How are you?
  • Player: Fine, thanks. How about you?
  • Homunculus: Alchemists return the other day. Me turn them into animals.
  • Player: No! Really?
  • Homunculus: Yeah, me made a uniman and a chickalchemist!
  • Player: Nice work!

KGP Agent[edit | edit source]

Dialogue 1[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Anyone there?
  • KGP Agent: INTRUDER! Red alert! Batten down the hatches! DIVE, DIVE, DIVE!
  • Player: Err, maybe I'll call back later.

Dialogue 2[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello.
  • KGP Agent: The fish cannot ride the gravy train.
  • Player: Sorry?
  • KGP Agent: The cyclops cannot see his inner walrus?
  • Player: Is this code?
  • KGP Agent: Waddle into a sunset of flaking mackerel?
  • Player: I'm going now.
  • KGP Agent: The sardine is leaving the tin?

Lumbridge Cow[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Lumbridge Cow: Moooooo.
  • Player: Hey, I know you can talk!
  • Lumbridge Cow: Moooo.
  • Player: Stop ignoring me!
  • Lumbridge Cow: Look, mate. Leave me alone!
  • Player: You talked! You talked!
  • Lumbridge Cow: Moooo.
  • Player: I think I'll have some beef tonight.

Lumbridge Sheep[edit | edit source]

  • Player: Hello?
  • Lumbridge Sheep: Baaaa.
  • Player: Huh? Okay.
  • Player: Baa, baaa. BAA!
  • Lumbridge Sheep: Baaa?